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Old September 10 2009, 06:42 PM   #16
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Pingfah wrote: View Post
Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Well yeah...try to put yourself in this guys shoes and if you heard that I was going to "tell" on you...that would scare you into stopping..........right?
Possibly. What is she like? Some guys can get away with absolutely anything if they are the controlling type. He may not care, the fact that he is pulling this with a neighbour and shouting in the street kinda suggests he is pretty ballsy about it
I don't think Jean would appreciate this very much. I know about 2yrs ago (as long as he's wanted to have this convo with me) we were supposed to go hiking and well Jean did not let him...maybe he's got some history with this shit. I don't know I don't get involved with my neighbors personally..I like to keep it a hi and bye thing mostly.

Galactic Squirral wrote: View Post
It would me, but if he's as nuts as he sounds you may need the restraining order anyway as he may take it as a dare.

oh and i agree on getting some pepper spray or mace just to be sure.
LOL the Squirrel is telling me this is nuts! LOL.
I've been meaning to get pepper spray for the hikes...I didn't think I'd ever need it to ward off my neighbor that I've known for 8 years.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:42 PM   #17
judge alba
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

of course if you tell her would she actually believe you? i know women that would stand by their hubbie no matter what.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:43 PM   #18
Tallis Rhul
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Tell the police now, don't wait.

I'm usually one for direct action, and my first instinct is to tell you to look him in the eye and say "it's never gonna happen so just **** off" with his wife watching. There's no telling how he or she will react though, she may decide not to believe you for whatever reason, so it's probably not the best plan.

The police will probably have some kind of concrete advice they can give you, and they'll know better than any of us what you should do. Plus they'll have been informed of the situation, and they don't necessarily have to act right away, they most likely aren't going to just swoop in and arrest him. Make sure you tell a friend who lives close by too, if you need picking up ever because you're scared and he's being weird then you can always go stay at theirs and he won't know where you are.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:45 PM   #19
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Teelie wrote: View Post
It has nothing to do with being married, male or otherwise. He's a stalker. Stalkers don't follow oridnary social protocols or know when or how to stop it. He could be potentially dangerous and do something or he could just stick to utterly harmless and creepy. Either way, if he continues, it's time to inform someone like the police, at the very least his wife.

And you might want to consider moving as a step if at all possible should he continue to do this. Or even if he does stop as usually stalkers don't just give up and go home. Literally in this case since he's next door.
Moving! Oh hellllll muthafuckin no...I'm not going anywhere.

Is he really a stalker though? I mean it's not EVERY weekend that he's done this...just about 4 times in the past 2 months. I don't know I've never been stalked before. But I don't like it when he drives by and stares...I don't fuckin like it.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:47 PM   #20
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Galactic Squirral wrote: View Post
of course if you tell her would she actually believe you? i know women that would stand by their hubbie no matter what.
I think she would believe me...judging by the way they interact I think she thinks he's a bit of an ass.

Tallis Rhul wrote: View Post
Tell the police now, don't wait.

I'm usually one for direct action, and my first instinct is to tell you to look him in the eye and say "it's never gonna happen so just **** off" with his wife watching. There's no telling how he or she will react though, she may decide not to believe you for whatever reason, so it's probably not the best plan.

The police will probably have some kind of concrete advice they can give you, and they'll know better than any of us what you should do. Plus they'll have been informed of the situation, and they don't necessarily have to act right away, they most likely aren't going to just swoop in and arrest him. Make sure you tell a friend who lives close by too, if you need picking up ever because you're scared and he's being weird then you can always go stay at theirs and he won't know where you are.
Oh good God..I was not expecting all this call the police stuff. I really was expecting oh yeah he'll back off once you threaten him. I do want to say that I'm not scared of him...he does not scare me and I'm not afraid of him at all.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:47 PM   #21
Guartho
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
I mean it's not EVERY weekend that he's done this...just about 4 times in the past 2 months.
That's still every other weekend.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
I do want to say that I'm not scared of him...he does not scare me and I'm not afraid of him at all.
A seven-year-old can fuck you up if he stabs you while you sleep.


Also, I want to be the first to make the joke "It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too."

So you've lived there for 8 years and he has just recently started coming on to you?
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Old September 10 2009, 06:53 PM   #22
Teelie
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Stalkers are like most other obsessives; they start small and work their way up. It's rare someone jumps right into something major. I've seen it enough to see a potential danger when I read about it.

It's entirely possible he may have been stalking you for years but only now has he become obvious about it or something has changed in him to spark this obsession recently.

Police are a necessity if this continues. Telling him in no uncertain terms to stop it and continuing is harassment and not the idle stuff either.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:00 PM   #23
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Guartho wrote: View Post
Cakes488 wrote: View Post
I mean it's not EVERY weekend that he's done this...just about 4 times in the past 2 months.
That's still every other weekend.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
I do want to say that I'm not scared of him...he does not scare me and I'm not afraid of him at all.
A seven-year-old can fuck you up if he stabs you while you sleep.


Also, I want to be the first to make the joke "It sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it too."

So you've lived there for 8 years and he has just recently started coming on to you?
Damn you and your math!

Well it's a summer place and he doesn't live there full time either...he actually doesn't live far from me "downhome", he's in queens and i'm in Long Island. Well we were supposed to go hiking 2 years ago, but he never showed up and I was glad because I honestly didn't want to spend the afternoon with him anyway. So when he was making his moves he said he was waiting to have this conversation with me for 2 yrs...ugh...I get grossed out whenever I think about it, makes me never want to have sex again. Well LOL OK I won't go that far.

Teelie wrote: View Post
Stalkers are like most other obsessives; they start small and work their way up. It's rare someone jumps right into something major. I've seen it enough to see a potential danger when I read about it.

It's entirely possible he may have been stalking you for years but only now has he become obvious about it or something has changed in him to spark this obsession recently.

Police are a necessity if this continues. Telling him in no uncertain terms to stop it and continuing is harassment and not the idle stuff either.
This didn't even occur to me that this may be years in the making...but we're in a rural area...it's not like he can peep me from his place. But I think I'll throw in..."am I going to need to inform the police as well" in addition to the I'm telling Jean thing...might as well throw everything at him.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:09 PM   #24
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

This is pretty classic harrassing behavior, which is the early stage of stalking. If you have truly been that direct with him, and he's still acting this way, you need to take every step possible to protect yourself before this escalates...and it will, quickly and dangerously.

By all means, tell his wife, but as others have said, in most cases this won't get you anywhere. If it does resolve it for you, consider yourself lucky. If it does not, swift police action will be necessary to set up clear boundaries.

Remember, to the stalker, any attention you give him is feeding the disease. Even bad attention is attention. You don't have to live in fear, but you need to cut off all contact with this individual, ASAP. If he has your phone number or e-mail address, change them or block him. If he looks at you, do NOT make eye contact. Don't exchange even pleasant greetings with him. Don't attend or throw any social gatherings where he may attend.

I do understand that this probably doesn't seem to you to be as serious as we're all describing it... but you have to be very cautious. As I said earlier, these things escalate very quickly.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:11 PM   #25
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Yeah, stalking is not a matter of frequency. If someone is not respecting your privacy, that is a problem. If you do not want contact with them and they don't get the hint, that's a bigger problem.

Don't let this problem become any bigger than it is. If his wife can't keep him on a leash, call the cops. Don't even hesitate on that one.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:13 PM   #26
Guartho
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
So when he was making his moves he said he was waiting to have this conversation with me for 2 yrs...ugh...
Well there goes my theory. If it was recent I suspected him of reading MadBaggins's latest thread and getting the wrong idea about you.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:16 PM   #27
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes, I worry about you, dear. You've already told this guy off. You should tell his wife what's going on, and if it persists, call the cops on him.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:18 PM   #28
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes, married man here - for almost 25 years. That guy is fixated on you and he's fantasizing about you. You're going to have to be as blunt as you possibly can be with him. You're going to have to tell him that the next time he tries this shit, you're telling his wife. Period. No "friendly chats", no hanging out, no creepy staring, no phone calls - NOTHING.

You can't "hint" at anything - you're going to have to tell him straight out.

If ANYthing happens after that, call his wife and then go to the cops. Or a big, big friend with a bat.
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Old September 10 2009, 07:19 PM   #29
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Foley0402 wrote: View Post
This is pretty classic harrassing behavior, which is the early stage of stalking. If you have truly been that direct with him, and he's still acting this way, you need to take every step possible to protect yourself before this escalates...and it will, quickly and dangerously.

By all means, tell his wife, but as others have said, in most cases this won't get you anywhere. If it does resolve it for you, consider yourself lucky. If it does not, swift police action will be necessary to set up clear boundaries.

Remember, to the stalker, any attention you give him is feeding the disease. Even bad attention is attention. You don't have to live in fear, but you need to cut off all contact with this individual, ASAP. If he has your phone number or e-mail address, change them or block him. If he looks at you, do NOT make eye contact. Don't exchange even pleasant greetings with him. Don't attend or throw any social gatherings where he may attend.

I do understand that this probably doesn't seem to you to be as serious as we're all describing it... but you have to be very cautious. As I said earlier, these things escalate very quickly.
Ok....now I'm scared And you're right...I didn't think this was really serious...I've always been able to handle it.
Thank God he doesn't have my phone number or any personal info...oh hell no. Could you imagine? This cannot escalate...I don't like escalators!!!
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Old September 10 2009, 07:23 PM   #30
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Misfit Toy wrote: View Post
Cakes, married man here - for almost 25 years. That guy is fixated on you and he's fantasizing about you. You're going to have to be as blunt as you possibly can be with him. You're going to have to tell him that the next time he tries this shit, you're telling his wife. Period. No "friendly chats", no hanging out, no creepy staring, no phone calls - NOTHING.

You can't "hint" at anything - you're going to have to tell him straight out.

If ANYthing happens after that, call his wife and then go to the cops. Or a big, big friend with a bat.
I do have my man friend and he said he'd pay him a visit. He's been upstate quite a bit the past couple of months and we've made sure he's been visible...I didn't want to go over there with him because the less interaction I figured the better. I'm sooooooooooo glad I didn't eat lunch because the thought of him fantasizing about me is making my stomach turn.

I do want to say I haven't hinted at shit. I've told him flat out and directly -- which everyone is bringing to my attention that makes the situation even worse since he's not listening. I can be very assertive, direct and blunt and completely nasty.... and nobody usually fucks with me...I can't believe this guy is "coming back for more" after I've already cut his dick off practically.
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