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Old September 10 2009, 06:13 PM   #1
Cakes488
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Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I've been tentative about starting this thread but the weekend is nearing and I need to deal with this situation.

I'm having a small issue with the guy next door to me at the upstate place.

Back in July he started making unwanted advanced towards me while his wife was not there for the weekend. I was very very direct and blunt and told him to get the fuck off me and our "relationship" shan't be taking that turn. He still kept grabbing me, attempting to kiss me and just touching me in general. Each time I let him have it...nobody is going to touch me that I don't want...period. I told him he's married and nothing will ever happen so I gave him a pass because he was drunk and I figured it was over and that he probably felt stupid the next day.....Wrong...the next weekend he comes right into my screened in porch...INTO MY HOUSE ...thank god my nephew was with me) . I reiterated that we ain't hangin out like that and he seemed fine with it. He also apologized for his behavoir (sp) the prior weekend so I was pleased.

Then I started noticing that every time he passes by in his car that he is staring at my place as he goes by and it just creeps me the fuck out. There's a bend in the road...muthafucka should be lookin straight ahead....what's he trying to see...??? Me in a skanky t-shirt?

Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there... I've had a pretty steady guest list upstate since July -- so someone was always coming up to "save" me....

So I think this is all over and done with but here again last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!) . I mean WTF here???
I lied and told him I had some friends coming up..I was put on the spot and caught off guard because I couldn't believe that he was asking me this yet again. And more importantly why is he asking me....WHY?????????? I was very clear!!!!!!

So here's my question. Obviously I want this hairy little beast to leave me alone and it's a shame too as he was a good neighbor to talk to from time to time...but anyway I was thinking that if he asks me this crap again I'm going to say "what part of we're not hanging out do you not understand? If you can't comprehend this then I'll be forced to go to Jean (his wife) and have her explain this to you"...

So Married men...if you were pulling this shit and you heard that....that would squash it................RIGHT?????????? Right???

I'm sorry for this long post but it made me feel better.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:20 PM   #2
Guartho
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Hard for me to say how I'd react. I can't imagine myself pulling that shit to begin with. Worst I'd ever do is say "Hey honey, how do you feel about our neighbor, Cakes? I think she might be pretty open-minded," and even then only if things are absolutely perfect between she and I at the time and I'm pretty sure I've caught her checking you out.

I say go for threat to talk to Jean. Lay out the consequences of his actions nice and plain. If he doesn't back the hell off then follow through and talk to Jean.

I'd get a restraining order at the same time though. Sounds like he's a bit psycho and might come unhinged and blame you for telling rather than blaming himself for being a piece of shit. Pieces of shit don't usually react well to being called on being pieces of shit.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:23 PM   #3
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Got to agree with Guartho on this one.

I'd get a restraining order sooner rather than later.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:25 PM   #4
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

A restraining order!

I'll admit I did think about talking to the constable just in case anything does happen to me there'll know where to look. But he better be prepared for a fight...we're the same height and my biceps are bigger. Not that that equates strength but I think I may be able to take him LOL.

But don't you think just the threat of me telling Jean would squash it all. Shouldn't that horrify him and send him running with his tail between his legs?
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Old September 10 2009, 06:27 PM   #5
The Grim Ghost
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I don't understand why you even still talk to this person. I get that he is your neighbor, but why not just cut off all contact? Don't answer the phone if he calls, don't answer the door if he knocks..just end it.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:29 PM   #6
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post

So Married men...if you were pulling this shit and you heard that....that would squash it................RIGHT?????????? Right???
I'm going to assume this is a rhetorical question since if there are any married men on this BBS who would engage in such behaviour once, let alone persistently, they are hardly going to admit to it here.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:30 PM   #7
John Clark
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
A restraining order!

I'll admit I did think about talking to the constable just in case anything does happen to me there'll know where to look. But he better be prepared for a fight...we're the same height and my biceps are bigger. Not that that equates strength but I think I may be able to take him LOL.

But don't you think just the threat of me telling Jean would squash it all. Shouldn't that horrify him and send him running with his tail between his legs?
Hopefully, the threat alone should work, but sometimes caution is warranted just in case he pushes the issue.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:30 PM   #8
Solstice
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Yeah, if he's not getting the hint, tell his wife, or call the cops. There is no need to put up with harassment.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:32 PM   #9
nevermore
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

I'm not a man, married or otherwise, but that's not relevant to your situation.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Then I started noticing that every time he passes by in his car that he is staring at my place as he goes by and it just creeps me the fuck out. There's a bend in the road...muthafucka should be lookin straight ahead....what's he trying to see...??? Me in a skanky t-shirt?

Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there... I've had a pretty steady guest list upstate since July -- so someone was always coming up to "save" me....

So I think this is all over and done with but here again last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!) . I mean WTF here???
I lied and told him I had some friends coming up..I was put on the spot and caught off guard because I couldn't believe that he was asking me this yet again. And more importantly why is he asking me....WHY?????????? I was very clear!!!!!!
He's stalking you, and he sounds dangerous. I certainly hope that you are securely locking your doors and accessible windows at all times.

So here's my question. Obviously I want this hairy little beast to leave me alone and it's a shame too as he was a good neighbor to talk to from time to time...but anyway I was thinking that if he asks me this crap again I'm going to say "what part of we're not hanging out do you not understand? If you can't comprehend this then I'll be forced to go to Jean (his wife) and have her explain this to you"...
No, don't say "we're not hanging out". He's a stalker, and you're not 12. Tell him bluntly that he is not welcome to speak to you and that if he comes onto your property ever again, you will call the police. In fact, I would alert the local police to the situation in order to expedite the restraining order process should it become necessary.

Finally, just tell his wife. Now. This asshole does not deserve further warnings. After you do that though, do not go there alone or let yourself be in any situation where you are alone and accessible to this person. Also, get some mace or pepper spray and carry it with you.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:33 PM   #10
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

destro wrote: View Post
I don't understand why you even still talk to this person. I get that he is your neighbor, but why not just cut off all contact? Don't answer the phone if he calls, don't answer the door if he knocks..just end it.
There was no way to avoid him at the door...he was looking in the window at me...he saw me!!!!! Believe me I did end it...I was very clear how we are just neighbors and we are not going to be socializing...he's manufactured ways to run into me.

Pingfah wrote: View Post
Cakes488 wrote: View Post

So Married men...if you were pulling this shit and you heard that....that would squash it................RIGHT?????????? Right???
I'm going to assume this is a rhetorical question since if there are any married men on this BBS who would engage in such behaviour once, let alone persistently, they are hardly going to admit to it here.
Well yeah...try to put yourself in this guys shoes and if you heard that I was going to "tell" on you...that would scare you into stopping..........right?
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Old September 10 2009, 06:38 PM   #11
Pingfah
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Well yeah...try to put yourself in this guys shoes and if you heard that I was going to "tell" on you...that would scare you into stopping..........right?
Possibly. What is she like? Some guys can get away with absolutely anything if they are the controlling type. He may not care, the fact that he is pulling this with a neighbour and shouting in the street kinda suggests he is pretty ballsy about it
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Old September 10 2009, 06:38 PM   #12
judge alba
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

It would me, but if he's as nuts as he sounds you may need the restraining order anyway as he may take it as a dare.

oh and i agree on getting some pepper spray or mace just to be sure.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:38 PM   #13
Cakes488
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

flamingliberal wrote: View Post
I'm not a man, married or otherwise, but that's not relevant to your situation.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Then I started noticing that every time he passes by in his car that he is staring at my place as he goes by and it just creeps me the fuck out. There's a bend in the road...muthafucka should be lookin straight ahead....what's he trying to see...??? Me in a skanky t-shirt?

Anyway, so it's the next weekend now (end of July) and he "runs" into me again which was totally manufactured by him and he asks me if I'm alone there... I've had a pretty steady guest list upstate since July -- so someone was always coming up to "save" me....

So I think this is all over and done with but here again last weekend this bastard stops his car in front of my house and yells out to me (my house is about 75 feet from the road too...its not right there) and asks me if I was alone again. (and I was!) . I mean WTF here???
I lied and told him I had some friends coming up..I was put on the spot and caught off guard because I couldn't believe that he was asking me this yet again. And more importantly why is he asking me....WHY?????????? I was very clear!!!!!!
He's stalking you, and he sounds dangerous. I certainly hope that you are securely locking your doors and accessible windows at all times.

So here's my question. Obviously I want this hairy little beast to leave me alone and it's a shame too as he was a good neighbor to talk to from time to time...but anyway I was thinking that if he asks me this crap again I'm going to say "what part of we're not hanging out do you not understand? If you can't comprehend this then I'll be forced to go to Jean (his wife) and have her explain this to you"...
No, don't say "we're not hanging out". He's a stalker, and you're not 12. Tell him that he is not welcome to speak to you and that is he comes onto your property ever again, you will call the police. In fact, I would alert the local police to the situation in order to expedite the restraining order process should it become necessary.

Finally, just tell his wife. Now. This asshole does not deserve further warnings. After you do that though, do not go there alone or let yourself be in any situation where you are alone and accessible to this person. Also, get some mace or pepper spray and carry it with you.
I know this is sick of me...but I hate rocking the boat with the neighbors...I know I know I know. I mean I've known this guy 8 years...why must he do this? He said he was waiting for 2yrs to have this "conversation" with me. Ugh!

I'm going to see how it goes this weekend...I'd still like to threaten first before telling Jean. All I know is I'll do whatever I have to ..including going to the cops *gulp* to end this...I do not go upstate for this shit.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:39 PM   #14
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

It has nothing to do with being married, male or otherwise. He's a stalker. Stalkers don't follow oridnary social protocols or know when or how to stop it. He could be potentially dangerous and do something or he could just stick to utterly harmless and creepy. Either way, if he continues, it's time to inform someone like the police, at the very least his wife.

And you might want to consider moving as a step if at all possible should he continue to do this. Or even if he does stop as usually stalkers don't just give up and go home. Literally in this case since he's next door.
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Old September 10 2009, 06:40 PM   #15
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Re: Married Men -- no all Men I have question.

Cakes488 wrote: View Post
Well yeah...try to put yourself in this guys shoes and if you heard that I was going to "tell" on you...that would scare you into stopping..........right?
It's hard to say. Someone that's pulling this kind of shit is not concerned with his wife's feelings to begin with. His only concern will likely be the hassle that comes with being found out. He's totally self-centered.

Then there's the possible myriad of situations in his marriage that you would have no clue about. Who has all the money? Will he desperately protect a the gravy train of mooching off of his wife? That sort of thing. Or is he abusive and he's already psychologically destroyed her self-esteem anyway. etc. etc. etc.
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