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View Poll Results: Grading
Excellent 12 13.19%
Above average 38 41.76%
Average 19 20.88%
Below average 11 12.09%
Poor 11 12.09%
Voters: 91. You may not vote on this poll

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Old August 14 2009, 11:32 PM   #211
Aragorn
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

So a jet shooting a missile over Moscow and then turning around to catch up to a missile in DC isn't over the top?
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Old August 15 2009, 12:12 AM   #212
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Aragorn wrote: View Post
So a jet shooting a missile over Moscow and then turning around to catch up to a missile in DC isn't over the top?
I just thought of it as a fast plane done in the spirit of a movie with lots of fun and creative high tech as opposed to something "dumb". Besides, the space shuttle can cover that distance in about 25 minutes, so I can at least watch a super aircraft in a G.I. Joe movie do something similar without being bothered by it. A car driving up the side of a building with a grappling hook? Or a guy surfing back down to earth on a door? That's a different story.
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Old August 15 2009, 02:00 AM   #213
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

AVERAGE

And I'm being kind. I thought this movie was horrible. It did not hold my attention at all. The best thing I can say is I got to see it for free. I would have been upset otherwise.
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Old August 17 2009, 03:41 AM   #214
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Thrall wrote: View Post
captcalhoun wrote: View Post
i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)
Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.
It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.
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Last edited by Bad Bishop; August 17 2009 at 04:25 AM.
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Old August 17 2009, 04:45 AM   #215
Thrall
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Bad Bishop wrote: View Post
Thrall wrote: View Post
captcalhoun wrote: View Post
i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)
Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.
It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.
Kind of late to the party aren't we? I've already said I took back my criticism of Sommers because I loved the film.

But Scorsese's GI JOE? Fucking epic. Especially if you throw in Mark Wahlberg as Duke and Leo as Flint. Best. Movie. Ever.
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Old August 17 2009, 05:13 AM   #216
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Thrall wrote: View Post
Kind of late to the party aren't we? I've already said I took back my criticism of Sommers because I loved the film.
I didn't know. Apologies, but I haven't read all 11 pages of this thread. I'm glad you enjoyed the movie. So did I.
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Old August 17 2009, 07:06 AM   #217
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Above agerage. I loved the cartoon in the 80's and I thought this movie was pretty good. I thought this movie was going to suck hard, but it didn't. I thought the charachters were pretty close Snake Eye's and Storm Shadow was cool, Duke was awsome and Cobra Comander was awsome. I hope they change the mask though. This movie was full of action, but left room for back story. I'm looking foward to the sequel.
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Old August 17 2009, 09:25 AM   #218
Trekker4747
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Bad Bishop wrote: View Post
Thrall wrote: View Post
captcalhoun wrote: View Post
i just want Flint and Jaye in the sequel. couldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else. preferably with Jaye being played by Jen Garner. (C'mon, Sydney Bristow was a 5-year audition for 'fit brunette who kicks ass and disguises herself a lot' Lady Jaye)
Yeah, I love those two. But there is no way in Hell is this a good movie. It's Stephen Sommers. It's impossible for him to direct a good movie. Impossible I say. All these good reviews are just critics thinking it would be funny to fuck with people.
It's too bad that some people hate Stephen Sommers. Maybe the studio should have tried to get an A-list director for this film. Just imagine Martin Scorsese's G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. There would be fewer special effects and more dramatic, emotional interactions between the characters. Most of the cast would be Italian, and the males would sweat and curse a lot.

I can see it now. Duke prevents the destruction of Paris, but falls into the hands of the Baroness and her henchmen. The remaining warheads are brought to Baron DeCobray (the Baroness's husband) to be weaponized. In this version Baron DeCobray is fully aware of his wife's past, and that she was engaged to Duke. Baron is filled with rage at the thought that his wife was with another man four years ago. This leads to an ugly confrontation with Duke.

Duke: "You an' everybody here are fuckin' nuts. Blowing up Paris! The woman I knew never woulda been involved in any of this shit!"

Baron: "The woman you knew, huh? Tell me something, Mister Hero. You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "What?!"

Baron: "You fucked my wife?"

Duke: "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. Where do you get your balls big enough to ask me that anyway? Let me out of these cuffs and let's discuss it outside! C'mon, ya motherfucker!!"

Etc., etc.
Jesus!

People always take stuff like "I hate director X" to the extreme.

Just because people don't like a certain director doesn't mean the movie had to be the complete polar opposite! No one said the movie had to be high-art, but if it had a slightly more talented director it could've been less forgetable.
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Old August 17 2009, 11:07 AM   #219
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

59% drop over this weekend, but it's made 190.5mill worldwide...
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Old August 17 2009, 03:53 PM   #220
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Just saw it this morning

It was a fun enough popcorn flick in my opinion.
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Old August 18 2009, 01:01 AM   #221
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

I thought the movie reminded me of Star WarsIV Cobra Comander was like Vader and the whole movie had an original star wars feel, I kept waiting for General Hawk to say " Lets blow thing kid and get out of here"
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Old August 18 2009, 03:45 AM   #222
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Average.

Went and caught a matinee yesterday afternoon. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't hate it. Mind you, that was largely due to going in with very low expectations. I had read a not-quite-final draft of the script, and wasn't impressed with it. They fixed some of the things I disliked, though, and I think they made as good a movie out of that basic script as they possibly could have.

(The biggest changes I can recall: in the script, Hawk was British rather than American--but I had already figured they'd changed that with the casting of Dennis Quaid. From his accent and uniform in the trailers, it was clear he wasn't meant to be British. The other thing--they had Snake Eyes speak after he defeated Storm Shadow. I'm glad they 86'd that.)

I thought Channing Tatum was the real weak link in the cast. He was just so dull-eyed and lifeless. This does not fit with the conception of Duke that I had always had--a natural-born leader, whose troops will follow him into hell without a second thought. This Duke... if he were a clerk in a supermarket, I don't know if I'd follow him to the canned vegetables even after I asked him where they were.

(I'm also annoyed by characterizing Duke as a commissioned officer instead of a veteran First Sergeant, but what can you do?)

Marlon Wayans was far less annoying than I'd anticipated. Rachel Nichols was competent and likeable as Scarlett, if nothing special (though she was very, very decorative :P ). The guys playing Heavy Duty and Breaker were pretty decent, too. Ray Park as Snake Eyes? Well, he was clearly the right guy for the job... if you're looking for someone to not speak and to be a total badass martial-arts-wise, Ray's got that niche sewn up beautifully. He was probably the single most perfectly cast character in the film.

On the other side... Zartan and Storm Shadow were pretty nicely played. And Sienna Miller was really quite enjoyable as the Baroness (and not just in a visual way). I got a good laugh out of "That redhead is starting to piss me off" and "Get out (of the elevator)! GET OUT! ...nice shoes". She was one of the highlights of the movie.

Ironically, the actors who were arguably the three biggest names in the film didn't really do much with their roles: Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. They're all three solid actors, and I was expecting a lot more from them than I got. Quaid in particular seemed to be phoning things in. Eccleston was probably the best of the lot, but his Destro wasn't a tenth as engaging as his Ninth Doctor. Gordon-Levitt? Well, the heavy makeup, costume, and voice treatment didn't do him a lot of favors, I guess.

There were some fun easter egg-type moments for the hardcore fans, though, and I think those gave me the most joy. For instance, using some of the names from the old toys for some of the vehicles--like the Night Raven, or the SHARCs. (They even spelled it with a 'C', god bless them!). If they named the Joes' snowmobiles, I missed it--but they evoked the old Polar Battle Bear at least enough.

(More of this kind of thing would have done a world of good, I think--given all the nameless Joes seen in the background at the Pit, it would have been awesome to namecheck a few of them. Even something simple and subtle, like the last names of classic Joe characters on nametapes on the uniforms, would have gone a long way.)

Brendan Fraser's cameo as 'Sgt. Stone' was fun. Apparently he was supposed to be some sort of vague homage to Sgt. Slaughter (I assume the Slaughter name was not used because no one felt like paying Vince McMahon a pile of money for the rights). With his beret, though, he clearly evoked Flint much more strongly, and had I been making this movie I'd have said, "Screw it--he looks like Flint, and the fans'll love that: let's loop the dialogue where they call him by name and have done with it."

Breaker stealing Duke's last piece of bubblegum made me grin, too (Breaker's love of bubblegum was his signature schtick in the comics).

Tiny detail--apart from it appearing on his sword, we see that Storm Shadow has the Arishakage hexagram tattoo on his forearm where it was supposed to be (blink and you miss it). Loved that.

I also loved seeing the classic Cobra sigil on the Commander's sub at the end.

All in all, it was a fun if substance-free afternoon at the movies. And it did capture enough of the feel of G.I. Joe (striking a nice balance between the sci-fi silliness of the cartoon and the more gritty military tone of the comics) to make me recall the Joe-loving days of my youth. There were a few moments where I really found myself enjoying it on the basis of it being something I would have loved to see when I was ten years old--an honest-to-God live action G.I. Joe film. I actually would kind of like to see a sequel, in hopes that they can bring more of the characters and concepts in--stuff enough easter eggs in there, and I might overlook more of the film's flaws.

My wishlist for the sequel: Joes--Clutch, Flint, Gung-Ho, Roadblock, Stalker, Shipwreck and Wild Bill (and they mostly have to be as close to the originals as possible--no internationalizing here. I don't object to how Breaker or Heavy Duty were handled, but Clutch HAS to be a motorhead/greaser from Jersey, Gung-Ho HAS to be a crazy Cajun US Marine, Shipwreck HAS to be a living, breathing homage to Jack Nicholson in The Last Detail and Wild Bill HAS to be a Texan Air Cav chopper-driver complete with US Cavalry hat.) Cobras--Major Bludd, Wild Weasel, and the Dreadnoks. And something more like real Cobra troopers--blue uniforms with red Cobra insignia on the chest; the rest is negotiable.

So yeah, anyway, it was not a film of any substance, and it had its flaws... but I will admit that it was good dumb fun with just enough nostalgia to keep me from being pissed off.

--g

EDIT: One more easter egg I can't believe I almost forgot--seeing the USS Flagg at the end really brought a laugh of sheer joy. That was an unexpected but very pleasant surprise.
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Old August 18 2009, 05:38 AM   #223
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

Great review. I too am a big fan and enjoyed the homages to the source material (both comic and cartoon continuities).
i smiled like a kid through the whole film!
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Old August 18 2009, 10:03 PM   #224
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

was it just me, or did the mark the nanomites left on the skin look like a Cobra sigil?
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Old August 18 2009, 10:58 PM   #225
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Re: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Grading & Discussion

ElScoob wrote: View Post

Ironically, the actors who were arguably the three biggest names in the film didn't really do much with their roles: Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. They're all three solid actors, and I was expecting a lot more from them than I got. Quaid in particular seemed to be phoning things in. Eccleston was probably the best of the lot, but his Destro wasn't a tenth as engaging as his Ninth Doctor. Gordon-Levitt? Well, the heavy makeup, costume, and voice treatment didn't do him a lot of favors, I guess.

I actually really liked how Gordon-Levitt portrayed CC in the movie. I was actually shocked. It reminded me of Heath's Joker (in the sense that the casting made you think wtf but it turned out to be good). I wouldn't say him as CC was on the same level as Heath's portrayal of Joker but he still did far better than I thought he would and I really liked his version of CC, I just hated that crappy mask at the end.

One thing that kinda bothered me was how other Joes made an appearance but didn't do anything. I was susprised to read that Lady Jaye was in it (not sure what part but I am assuming it's somewhere during the parts where Duke and Ripcord were training).
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