TOS Caption Contest #282: Love Connection

SCOTT:...and I programmed her to not being seduced by any captains or gods.
KIRK: Didn't you forget I'm the best at screwing androids?

 

Chekov: The Russians invented…I mean colonized this place

Ensign: I thought no Humans had visited this place...

 

LENORE: Dress? What dress?




SCOTTY: Ah don't believe it! She's making the pressure chamber act like a cryotube!
MIRA: Nice way to call me "frigid", "Limpy".




SPOCK: I love you. I could never admit it before!
KIRK: (over communicator) Spock! And I...loveyoutoo!




LANDON: The sky...it's like I could reach out and touch it.
CHEKOV: Turn around and valk 30 feet, and you vill!




NATRIA: Touch my bustier again and I'll bustier more than your nose!

 

LEILA: SPOCK! KISS MY HOT LIPS!
EVERYBODY ON THE BRIDGE: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

UHURA: Oh no he didn't!

 

Natira: Sorry, Doctor, size does matter.
McCoy: Size matters - but scale is relative. Like dropping a hyperspanner down a Jefferies tube.

 

Thanks for the win!





Lenore: "Why Captain, it's nice of you to say. I get all of my furs at H. Mudd and Associates. Incidentally, where did you get your toupee, it looks so natural?"
Kirk: "H. Mudd and Associates..."



Scott: "I invented it myself sair, a microwave for frigid women."
Kirk: "Officer thinking, Mr Scott."



Kirk over communicator: "Mr Spock. Mr Spock! Are you okay down there. Do you need help?"
Spock: "Not likely, Captain. The two of us are gonna have a threesome if you know what I mean."
Leila: "Ooh, I love Vulcans!"



Chekov: "How about a little roleplay?"
Landon: "Sure, I'll be any woman in the universe... and you be Geordi LaForge."
Chekov: "Aw crap!"



Natira: "You know, for a Doctor specialising in xenobiology, I didn't expect you to be that shocked at the revelation that Yonadan women have the penises in the species."

 

More bikini wax, Mister Scott.
I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain! She cannae take any more!




Chekov: Be careful vith that phaser.
Landon: I have the right to bear arms.
Chekov: In Soviet Russia, the bear has right to your arms!

 

Kirk: "Heh! That would be funny as hell! But...no...no, we'd better not."




Crewman by turbolift (thinking): "I so want to be a captain someday!"

 

KIRK: You got that on e-bay?

SCOTTY: Aye,mint condition and still in the box!

 

Kirk: "You have the best legs on the ship."

Crewman (softly): "Bitch."

 

RODDENBERRY (OS): In fact, the extra was wearing a skant, but Shatner's belly totally obstructed the view.

 

Crewman: "It's a dress damn you, a pretty dress!!!"

(bursts into tears, runs off bridge)

 

ALIEN: Greetings, Captain of the Enterprise. I am Krath, the King of my world.
KIRK: Wait, wait. King?
ALIEN: And if I must say, you are a very beautiful woman. Your eyes are like the stars.



SCOTTY: I, umm...signed for your delivery, captain. One hyper-realistic female doll.
KIRK: One word of this to the rest of the crew and I'll replace you with a British comedy actor.



SPOCK: Judging by the concentration of pheremones you are currently releasing, the logical course of action would be to get it on.



CHEKOV: I brought wodka.

 

KALOMI: It's my husband. I'll have to take it.

SPOCK: Wait... your what?

 

OLD KIRK: NO JIM! STOP THAT AND SEND HER RIGHT NOW TO THE BRIG, OTHERWISE A JEALOUS JANICE RAND WILL ASK FOR A TRANSFER!

 

Landon: Dandle in the bramble?
Chekov: Russian inwention.
Landon: Fondle in the fern?
Chekov: Russian inwention.
Landon: Twiddle in the dingle?
Chekov: Russian inw - no, that vun vas Wulcan. Sickos.
Landon: Prickle in the thistle?
Chekov: Russian inwention....

 

Spock: Now that I've finally dumped T'Pring, we can be together!

*beep beep*

Leila: I have to take this.

Male Voice: Honey, I have to stay late. Can you pick up the kids at karate?

 

Leila: Did you ever stop the planetkiller?
Spock: No, Miley Cyrus's sexual innuendo eventually grew to eat suns, too.
Leila: Check out her new outfit.
Spock: It would appear that light can still escape the event horizon in her pants.

 

LENORE: Nice meeting you Jim, but my date's here and I have to go.