Caption Contest 114: Off-Duty Shenanigans

Everyones captions were so funny!

Here are the winners~!

I loved too many of the Janeway/Chakotay captions.

And this one too in honor of Breaking Bad's finale tonight.

Here are the new captions for your amusement! Enjoy!!!

 

EMH: "This game of cholesterol roulette doesn't seem so bad."
Opponent: "Send for the lard!"
os echoed down the corridor : "Send for the lard..."



Paris: "Have fun storming the collective."
Kim: "Think it'll work?"
Paris: "It'll take a miracle."



Paris: "I knew I should have worn my aloha shirt."



Paris: "What's happened to Sandrine's?"
Chakotay: "They all have... Irish accents?"
Torres: "Looks like the Captain hacked your program, Tom."
Kim: "The woman has no shame."



EMH: "I love the smell of illicitly gained panties in the morning."

 

Kim: Do you want to tell the Captain she forgot her clothes?
Paris: Just let her be Kim.


Neelix: It's my newest recipe, I call it 'If you don't like my food, you can kiss my ass' soufflé.


Tom: These aliens don't use their third leg to walk?
Belanna: That's not a third leg.

 

Kim: One thing I hate about serving on deep space starships: fall catalog duty.




Neelix: Oh, I'm sorry. Good thing there's no tipping in this cashless economy or I'd really learn my lesson.




Tom: Gaseous anomaly!
Harry: Body double switch!
B'Elanna: Technobabble!
Chakotay: I hate space charades.

 

Paris (thinking): At least I don't have to eat it now.

 

Torres (OS): Eh, Doctor. What are you doing? You don't have any programming that allows you to 'taste' or 'digest' anything. It's going to be a pretty hollow experience for you.


Paris: Keep smiling, one of us is sure to get voted onto a sexist list.
Kim: Really?
Paris: Sure.


The crew had gotten so used to their many space battles, that eventually they only proved bothersome to everyday life onboard.


PTB: Listen up, we're cutting all your development and dialogue and screen time from season four onwards. We're getting a Borg with...um...attributes.
Beltram: [thinking] Why'd I let my agent talk me into this show?
McNeil: [thinking] Great, there goes my standing as the good-looking blonde.
Dawson: [thinking] Damn. Wait, what if I strip down to my vest...that might give me an episode every now and then.
Wang: [thinking] People think I'm sexy! Wait, what are they talking about?

 

Thanks for the win!



Doctor: I wonder where this holographic food is going to go... do I have a stomach? Will it just roll around inside me? Will it just fall out the other end?



Kim: You got it Tom! That smile is almost as fake and wooden as mine.
Paris: This is a good thing?



Paris: I try to be the nice guy and this is what I get? I'm so sleeping with Kes next episode.



Torres: What the hell is that?
Chakotay: Some sort of alien viewpoint?
Kim: It's a holograhic picture of the inside of my mother's womb.
Paris: I wish I could forget having seen that.



EMH: I wish I had a sense of smell. I can't tell if these will win her over or not. Or give her allergies.

 

Kim: "I was going to go with slapping Seven on the ass and calling her 'toots', but maybe smiling will work."

 

DOCTOR: I'm the only one here who can eat this you know. If you eat this then when you leave the holodeck all the already-absorbed nutrients will vanish and you will keel over from massive organ failure.



TOM: Trust me Harry. Acting like an overgrown child and grinning stupidly while waving is the best way to impress women.



NEELIX: Tom, I'm trying to feed you, why don't you swallow?
PARIS: Umm...Neelix? You know we eat through our mouths right?
NEELIX: Humans eat through the same hole they talk with? Eww.



BERMAN (Off screen): Good news everybody! Next year we're adding a hot female Borg to the cast!
BELTRAN (Thinking): Crap. I'm gonna get fired.
DAWSON (Thinking): Crap. I'm gonna get fired.
MCNEIL (Thinking): Crap. Garrett's gonna get fired.
WANG (Thinking): Crap. If I don't bribe People magazine quick, I'm gonna get fired.




DOCTOR: I should tell Janeway. Either program me with a sense of smell or you're HOLOPHOBIC! Yeah, still likin' the hologram persecution card.

 

BLUTO (o.c.): Food fight!!!!!!!!!

 

Where's Tuvix? And why does this lamb shank taste like hedgehog?




Paris: Please extirpate your hand from my event horizon.
Kim: Sorry, old habit. Before joining Starfleet I was a TSA agent.




Neelix: And then the alien jumped out of his chest and it looked like this.
Paris: Oh, was that the trilogy with the really big bugs that started cool and ended with the complete anal rape of the fans?
Neelix: No, I wasn't talking about the first Enterprise. This one was written by someone who actually liked the characters he mangled to death.




Paris: What's with this program?
Kim: I think Captain Janeway made a couple alterations to the barkeep.
Torres: And the fifty salarimen?
Chakotay: Just smile and back away slowly....




Reminds me of motorboating Seven. Minus the chloroform smell.

 

Tom...and I slipped. The tray broke my fall. What did you do to make it so sticky?

Neelix: Perhaps I put in too much Viidian paste...let me help you get that off you *chuckle*

 

The Doctor's forgotten the first rule of holo-dieting: never eat anything larger than your head. Now his program will have to expand his head routine to fit.


``Oh, lord, we stumbled into a Bronies con. Wave and sidle backwards, Garret!''


``That's odd,'' thought Tom. ``My chest doesn't usually explode cheesy hash browns that they have to deflect from innocent bystanders. This time of year it's more often tater tots.''


``We're never going to get back to the Alpha Quadrant if the Captain insists we visit every single souvenir shop looking for the perfect memento of the Delta Quadrant.''
``Shut up and count your blessings she decided it doesn't have to be Neelix.''


Man, you know you're on a bad camping trip when the trees punch you in the nose.

 

PARIS: So, I guess you heard about me and Kes?

 

KIM: Thanks for doing this Tom. I'm trying to convince my parents I have friends.


TOM: Remember, we agreed to cash.

 

Paris: "How did you get it to hang in mid-air like that?"

 

PARIS AND KIM IN 2412

"We'll get you home again!"

 

*Two hours after Voyager's return home*

Tom Paris: Hey Dad!

Owen Paris: (OS) WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? Captain Janeway, Why would you let him do this?"

Janeway: I apologize. I'll take care of it immediately

*Janeway walks up to Harry and removes the pip*

"Sorry, Harry. Hope you enjoyed it while it lasted"

 

Neelix: Overheard you saying that my food is not safe to be taken internally, Mr. Paris. Let me apply it liberally EXTERNALLY, then.
Paris: Luckily for me, your food is once again served-like revenge-very cold.

 

NEELIX: You said my food was DEESGAHSTING!
JANEWAY (OS): That's my line!