TNG Caption This! 307: I'm not Evil, I'm Parallel

WORF (thinking): I finally become XO of this bucket and they get rid of the XO chair. Am I to be destined to stand for the rest of my tour? Next thing you know this place will look like a goddamn Apple store! Worst of all, they gave my old job to the boy. The boy!

 

Worf: I see in this universe they took my fart guard idea seriously.

 

Crusher: I told you if you kept that expression your face would stay that way. Now here's an analgesic for your chronic face-roids.

 

Try as he might to capture the audience's interest, Picard's monologue was still colorless.





Sentient beings had many accomplishments by the 24th Century, but a set of matching armrests wasn't one of them.





Riker liked--and made good use of--the bridge's new catwalk, but otherwise it was not well received.





Wesley (OS): "I'm calling a red alert. You two are obviously from the Mirror Universe."

Mirror Riker: "Rats. I thought we were blending in quite nicely. What gave us away?"

Wesley (OS): "I'll spell it right out for you--B-E-A-R-D-S."

Mirror Riker: "Darn. I knew we were forgetting something."

 

Riker: What was the strangest thing you saw when you were jumping realities?

Worf: Seeing that picture of Kyle Riker and Lwaxanna Troi's wedding in Captain Riker's ready room.

Riker: *mutters* No holodeck for today, Will

 

Data: "Mr. Worf, would you clear up a matter of Earth's 21st Century history for me?"

Worf: "I'll try."

Data: "According to the great pundit David Letterman, Jorge Bergoglio, who we now know as Pope Francis, had previously been a relief pitcher for the Yankees."

Worf: "So what's the big deal?"

Data: "I have done some research, and there is no way Bergoglio could have been a Yankee."

Worf: "Why not?"

Data: "Because he was a Cardinal."

 

Riker: I'm sorry Captain, that is not the Mythical Lost Clitoris of your people. That is our tactical officer Ensign Crusher.



Riker: Ship's Best Betazoid Lay, ages 30-35. I can't believe it.
Worf: Do not worry, sir. There is always next year. You will be in another bracket.

 

winner

 

Data: "Mr. Worf, I am sure you will be pleased to know that Lieutenant Ogawa's body temperature is now reading a perfectly normal 98.6 degrees. Thankfully, her condition of being 'incredibly hot,' which you mentioned to me in the corridor, was apparently a temporary abnormality."
Ogawa (thinking): "Awkward..."

 

Data: Commander Worf. The medical staff has informed me they would like their Commemorative Captains of the Fleet Collectors plate back. You were the only conscious patient in sickbay this week.

Worf: It was not me! Besides, without Archer that plate is worthless.

Data: Who?

Ogawa: Fanboys....

 

Data: It wasn't your fault....
Worf: I told the commander Human females were much too fragile.
Ogawa:.......poor Wesley.... At least Sh....HE! died with a smile on he...HIS! I'm sorry! I am SO! sorry!....
At least He died with a smile on His face...

 

DATA: As you can see, Spot keeps changing breed and gender.

 

Worf: Hey! Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ...uh, doctor

 

Worf: "No! No! The last time you injected me with that stuff, I woke up with my pants around my ankles and a sore bum!"
Crusher: "Well, I had nothing to do with that!"
Worf: "That's what I'm afraid of!"

 

Thanks, Finn.

 

Crusher: "I am for you, Worf."

The TNG "sequel" to TOS' "That Which Survives" was not well received.

 

Captain's log, Stardate 45345.6. Mr. Data has revealed that he's engaged to his smartphone, and the rest of the crew is not very happy.

 

Data: No, Worf. The mute button doesn't work on the females of this universe, either.
Ogawa: Oh no he di'in't!



Riker: Tasha, run a sensor sweep.
Worf: Dear Kahless what have they done.

 

New Contest! Come on down!