Star Trek XI Caption Contest #21: Lectures

This doesn't look like the Narada's cargo bay, it looks more like a new caption contest. Let's flush out...



I guess he can't do zat...

Methinks Scotty would have preferred pulling a couple of chips out of a transwarp computer drive...

And I apologize to our next winner for inflicting the horrors of The Room upon him...

Congratulations to the winners. First up in this episode...uh oh, it's that psycho British dad from Mad Men! Next, Pike sticks Kirk with a huge bar tab. And finally, it's Starfleet debate club. Have at and see you again in three weeks:

 

S'racist: "According to this, you're disobeying your father's wishes and dating a black woman."

*grabs cane*



Pike: "How did you get a felony record, anyway?"

Kirk: "I tried stealing the source code to Facebook."



Barnett: "In academic parlance, it's called cheating. What do you think this is, USC?"

 

S'RACIST: Showing physical attraction to a black human female?

You are EXPELLED from this program, young man.

SPOCK: Kiss my ass, Minister. If loving her is wrong...I don't want to be right.



PIKE: I admired your father.

KIRK: Yeah, well...according to my mom, so did half the nurses on the Kelvin. Vertically AND horizontally.



ADMIRAL BARNETT: Rusty the Bailiff will have you sign and retina-confirm a few documents on the way out.

 

"Yes, I'm afraid our decision is final...and stop calling me 'Brother Cadfael'!"




Bartender: "Geez, will you guys get a room already? It's past closing time!"




Kirk: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'll be brief. The issue here is not whether I broke a few rules or took a few liberties with my female fellow cadets. I did! But you can't judge a cadet's entire scholastic record on just a few sick, perverted actions. For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole Starfleet Academy system that inspired those actions? And if the whole Academy system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our Starfleet military institutions in general? I put it to you, Spock, isn't this an indictment of our entire United Federation of Planets? Well, you can do what you want to me, but I'm not going to stand here and listen to you badmouth the United Federation of Planets!"

 

Rat Boy, I was wondering, do you ever feel conflicted when you do these contests? I mean, half the time you come up with the best captions, but it's got to be hard to be fair, right?

 

The foul smell that followed S'rasist's mid-lecture grimace and awkward silence informed that class that he had been struggling with a primitive urge...and had failed.


Pine: I appreciate your meeting me like this. (sigh) It's so hard to meet people in Starfleet.
Kirk: (gulp) I didn't, uh- -- look, man, when you said you'd buy me a drink I didn't know you wanted to BUY ME A DRINK. I figured you just wanted to shoot the breeze about my dad.


Spock: Do you deny that you arranged to take the Kobayashi Maru test not once, but three times, the latter under the assumed and fabricated identies of "T.J. Hooker" and "Denny Crane"?

 

S'RACIST (speaking deliberately slow): And for you Spock, a "Participant Award". You've done quite well.

 

Once you tell yourself you can't win, the rest is easy.



S'racist: "No, seriously, I found a giant transforming robot in the Arctic. Stop looking at me like that."

 

As mayor of the Munchkin City
In the county of the land of Oz
I welcome you most regally!

 

S'Racist: Was it to satisfy your emotional need to rebel, Boy?



Kirk: Look! I'm a bull at a watering hole!


Admiral: We demand to know your name, quest, and favorite color.

 

S'RACIST: "Why did you put this image of Oprah on my pad?"

Young Spock:

 

Well, that's not what is says here on my iPad …


Cut, cut! Stop taking the piss guys, we don't have all day.
The makers of "Top Gun 2: Reach for the Bourbon", need their set back!


Admiral: The Enforcers are all in place? Good, good … Then I call this Terrain Empire Academy disciplinary hearing to order … I see you finally managed to shave this morning Spock.

 

SPOCK: We usually wear pants to this sort of thing, Mr Kirk.

KIRK: Sorry, left them at your mom's apartment.

 

SPOCK: Your argument precludes the possibility of a no-win scenario.

CADET PETERSON: In your pants.

 

Vulcan Science Minister: I have no idea who Dr. Ira Graves, The Klingon in charge of Rura Penthe, or Qatai are.



[zipper sound from Kirk's podium]

 

Spock: Let me guess. You're condemning me for humping a black chick.

T'Fashionable: No, we're condemning you for humping an ugly chick. I mean, Zoe Saldana? Pur-leez.



Pike: "You know Kirk, that stuff's bad for you."

Kirk: "Shut up, I'm powerless to the milkshake."



Jury: Now, repeat after me.
All: "We are the Borg. We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own..."

 

...and now, the final question, Spock.

Who won the Grammy for Best New Artist of 1989?



PIKE: I see you like the liquor.

KIRK: I see you like flared trousers. Checkmate, bitch.



SPOCK: ...and then Cadet Kirk cracked wise about my momma and said she was...and I quote..."STANK."

 

Star Trip - Once More With Feeling....



T'nkyafer T'music : ABBA's greatest hits ? Really Spock ?



Guy with floor cleaner ( thinking ) : Join starfeet they said, see the galaxy they said, wind up in a 5th rate bar cleaning it....



Zack : So you really had no idea all these red shirts were going to die from a giant space drill ?

Pine : Not a clue....