TOS Caption Contest #284: Journey to Caption

Discussion in 'Star Trek - The Original & Animated Series' started by LeadHead, Mar 24, 2014.

  1. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
    Hello everyone, time for a new contest!


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    First up to the plate, we have the "First world problems" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Set course for Amazonia!" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Alternate Settings" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "REALLY Alternate Universe" Award, going to:

    Next, we have the "Misdemeanor or Felony?" Award, going to:

    Our Photoshop award, goes to:

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    Congrats to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

    And now, the next contest!

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    Enjoy!
     
  2. LeadHead

    LeadHead Director of Comedy Premium Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2000
    Location:
    The Normandy SR-2
    [​IMG]

    Kirk: (thinking) I really hope that synthehol doesn't become standard on starships.


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    Could there be a worse omen than this in Star Trek?

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    Uhura: Personal Log, Lieutenant Uhura. Captain Kirk has been acting like a total jerk to everyone again. I think the crew is beginning to consider a mutiny.

    Kirk: Very funny Lieutenant. I'm sorry I forgot your birthday.

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    Nimoy: The script calls for you to get the last word in this episode. Bill has already begun petitioning for a rewrite.

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    Spock: It is remarkable and how much more efficient this ship is run when I am in command.

    Uhura: Should I tell him that you're here Captain?

    Kirk: Preserve the surprise.
     
  3. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk A Spock and a smile Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    AI Generated Madness
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    INTERCOM: Will Security Squad Alpha please report to the Transporter Room.

    MR. LESLIE: Ah, you guys go ahead. I forgot something in my quarters.

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    KIRK: Whoa, really been hitting up the plomeek broth, eh Sarek?
     
  4. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk A Spock and a smile Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    AI Generated Madness
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    SPOCK: Thank you, T'Pok.

    UHURA (thinking) I didn't know Spock even had a sister.
     
  5. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Redshirt Leader: "Alright, whichever one of you is humming 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door,' knock it off!"
     
  6. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
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    Sarek: "... and so Vulcans learn to drink sehlat urine while crossing the desert, today it's highly prized for the intricacy of it's texture and structure ... wouldn't you agree Captain?"

    :)
     
  7. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
    [​IMG]

    Sarek (to bartender): "Under no circumstances are you to give my wife more than two drinks."
     
  8. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk A Spock and a smile Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    AI Generated Madness
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    AMANDA: Doctor, I'm here for my "physical"...oh, hello Spock.
     
  9. Nebusj

    Nebusj Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
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    ``Well, Ambassador … Even in this brief conversation I've come to understand so much more about your son … and why he drinks.''

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    ``OK, it's still eating Johnson. When the light turns green, Matthews, you rush in and it eats you. After that, Richardson, then Leslie, then Maccomber … never fear, eventually indigestion is bound to set in!''

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    ``Personal log: talk to Uhura about setting her publicity stills as screensaver defaults.''

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    ``Well, I don't know why the computer threw up all those multicolored disks. Amanda, did you see anything?''
    ``I certainly wasn't browsing DeviantArt! I mean, no.''

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    ``If he stays off the bridge just a couple more seconds I'll have Shatner entirely written out of the script.''
     
  10. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk A Spock and a smile Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    AI Generated Madness
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    KIRK: Well, I hate to leave the reception, but I'm needed on the Bridge.

    UHURA: No sir, everything is fine up here.

    KIRK ( firmly) I said, I'm needed on the Bridge.
     
  11. CrazyMatt

    CrazyMatt Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2013
    Location:
    Sitting in Kirk's command chair
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    Security chief: "One more time men, so we have it perfect when the captain arrives!"

    All: "We who are about to die salute you!"
     
  12. Maurice

    Maurice Snagglepussed Admiral

    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2005
    Location:
    Real Gone
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    KIRK: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.


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    SULU'S VOICE: The red light is for immediate loading and unloading of passengers only, there is no docking on a white light.
    UHURA'S VOICE: No. The white light is for immediate loading and unloading and there is no docking on a red light.
    SULU'S VOICE: The red light has always been for loading and unloading there is never docking on a white light.
    UHURA'S VOICE: Don't tell me which light is for docking and which light is for loading.
    SULU'S VOICE: Listen Uhura, don't start up with your white light shit again.
    LESLIE: God, sometimes I wish this shirt curse would work...


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    UHURA: Excuse me, sir, there's been a little problem on the bridge...
    KIRK: The bridge...what is it?
    UHURA: Its the round room at the top of the ship where the helmsmen sit, but that's not important now...


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    BONES: Nervous?
    AMANDA: Yes.
    BONES: First time?
    AMANDA: NO, I've been nervous lots of times.
     
  13. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
    Thanks!

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    SAREK: Yes, it tates like urine, but it is the only logical way we Vulcans found to be able to live together.
    KIRK: Is it also the secret of your happy marriage with an emotional Human?
    SAREK: Yes!
    KIRK: I'll quickly learn to like it!
     
  14. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
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    BONES: With your own mom?
    AMANDA: Well, it's a Vulcan tradition, don't be so shocked doctor.
     
  15. Triskelion

    Triskelion Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2008
    TFTW Leadhead!

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    Sarek: Until he was three years old, we dressed Spock as a girl and called him Amelia.
    Kirk: What?
    Sarek: Logic, yadda yadda yadda.


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    Scotty: Now remember, the secret to survival is sticking together - hey, where's Iggy?
    Ricky: He thought he heard the ice cream man and he went to check it out.
    Scotty: Bloody hell!
    Iggy: <screams>


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    Kirk: Is he gone, Lieutenant?
    Uhura: Yes sir, but in the future you might try not scanning your butt cheeks into Spock's sensor station and logging it as "The moons of Uranus".
    Kirk: That's ok, I can still do "Fart Nebula," "Full Rectal Eclipse," and "The Chocolate Milky Way."
    Uhura: Not my point, but yes, sir.


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    Amanda:
    Spocky, you forgot your itchy bottom balm again. Take off your pants.
    Spock:
    Not now, mother.


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    Kirk: Why is it so quiet up here?
    Spock: Turns out we had a volume button for every station.
     
  16. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
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    WYATT: What do you mean by backward?
    KELLEY: Where do you think you are? This is Star Trek, not Father Knows Best! Bill Theiss designed that for your breasts, not for your shoudler blades.
     
  17. T'Girl

    T'Girl Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2009
    Location:
    T'Girl
    [][​IMG]

    Amanda: "When Spock was seven years, we sent him into the deep desert."

    Spock: "For a survival test."

    Amanda: "Yes of course a "survival test."

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    Red Shirt One: "What's the red light mean?"

    Red Shirt Two: "Uhh ... that it's okay to open the air lock doors?"

    :)
     
  18. Jonas Grumby

    Jonas Grumby Vice Admiral Admiral

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2002
    Location:
    Somewhere in the South Pacific
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    Spock: "My mother was just telling me, Doctor, that you and she have previously met."
    Amanda: "Many years ago, I was a swimming instructor at Ol' Miss University. So, tell me, Lenny...you still got those 'surgeon's hands'?"
    McCoy: "Oh my God! You're the 'Water Cougar'!"
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2014
  19. Armored Saint

    Armored Saint Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2012
    Location:
    Quebec City
    KIRK (os): I don't wanna know how you used to call my mother when you were her intern!
     
  20. Nerys Myk

    Nerys Myk A Spock and a smile Premium Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2001
    Location:
    AI Generated Madness
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    Only the top of the line models knew how to read.