TNG Caption This! 299: Great Days Ahead!

Tasha: Captain! The Leadhead just dropped out of the DS9 Caption Contest. They still have us and the Pre-Abrams Movies:

Riker: Red Alert! Raise Sheilds

Picard: Damn! Transfer power from the holodecks and replicators to Leadhead!

 

YAR: A big greasy black guy kills me?
PICARD: I know it's not PC, but it's in the script, so...





PICARD: Does my bum look big in this?





Last person to take their hands off the Enterprise wins it.





With her empathic powers sensing exactly when the starter would fire his gun, Troi always got the best start in the sprint events.





CRUSHER: Anyone got any jump leads?
PICARD: Geordi, pull over at the station up ahead.

 

Picard: What in the blazes happened here?

Geordi: We were going over old pictures for a slideshow screensaver. When we got to this one, Data started moaning and collapsed.

 

LaForge: "So you're in the doghouse with Chief O'Brien, huh?"
Worf: "I do not wish to discuss it."
LaForge: "Well, the whole ship is getting his side of the story."

...

LaForge: "I heard you went to his appreciation of British comedy night."
Worf: "Yes. He was showing something called... sitcoms."
LaForge: "Ah. He showed Red Dwarf, didn't he?"
Worf: "That is when Nurse Ogawa called me a communist."
LaForge: "Red Worf? I get it. Is that when you...?"
Worf: "Certainly not. Besides I understand the joke. My human parents taught me about communism, an honorable, if flawed philosophy."
LaForge: "So why did you...?"
Worf sighs: "It was when the one named Lister called the one named Rimmer a smeghead."
LaForge: "I don't get it."
Worf: "I said that at least I had the decency to wash my ridges."
LaForge: "And that's when everyone laughed at you."
Worf: "Yes."
LaForge: "And that's when you put a bat'leth through Chief O'Brien's vintage DVD player."
Worf: "Yes."
LaForge: "See, now that's why you don't get invited to parties."

 

Troi: "Oh, God, I forgot to put a static sheet in the dryer!"

Riker: "Red Alert!"

 

^ Good one!




It's the Legarans, sir. They want your RSVP for their candlelight supper.

Did they mention...my request?

Yes sir. They said they were looking forward to your "Airing of Grievances" custom.

Make it so.



Picard to Yar, I require your expertise in my ready room.
A security matter, sir? Or is it another spider?
Bring a phaser, Lieutenant.




Worf: If you spent half the energy you use on the holodeck toward meeting people in Ten Forward, you would not need my help placing your singles ad on the Qo'nos central computer.

Geordi: It's a cultural exchange, Worf!

Worf: With benefits?

Geordi: There a law against benefits?




Troi: We're too late! Our Swatches have contaminated the culture!




Crusher: The new standard issue underwear have cut off the circulation to his brain.

LaForge: It could have been any one of us...

Picard: Who won the pool?

Crusher: The underwear pool? Or the Soong-type android gets killed doing something ridiculous pool?

 

Worf: You realize we'll be dead by the end of this mission.

Geordi: Brothers in space can't catch no break.

 

What? It looks like HTV did a fantastic job...

 

Crusher: Come in, Jean-Luc. The doctor is... ready for you...

 

Geordi: So, Raj was dressed up like you?

Worf: Yes.

Geordi: And Leonard was the captain, Sheldon was Data.

Worf: Correct.

Geordi: And Howard went as a Borg? That doesn't make any sense. Why didn't he go as me? I'm the chief engineer. He's an engineer.

Worf: Howard demonstrated he can attract a female.

Geordi: Oh...

 

TROI: This Wayne guy has an odd collection of mementos.



PICARD: I'm quite sure you don't have the authority to send me to my room, Counselor.

 

Worf: Your problem with women is that you can tell when someone is lying.

Ensign in back: Oh no he didn't!

 

Picard: Yes, haha, very funny. Now who painted the exact picture of my ready room on the door?


Dr. Crusher: Drunk, again!

 

Picard: "Excellent pose, Yar. Maybe I should rethink my assessment that you're not command material."





Picard: "That shadow of mine is so obnoxious. He never stops following me."

<brief pause>

Picard: "He's right behind me, isn't he?"





Worf: "No, Geordi, I can't put my hands in the same position as yours."

LaForge: "Why not?"

Worf: "I missed my manicure appointment."

 

The calmness of this scene was short-lived when the group continued their rapid pace, failing to realize they had just stepped onto a freshly waxed floor.

 

Picard: "Now that he's just starting to come to, what's your 'lesson learned'?"

Crusher: "Next time Data complains of insomnia, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to give him an Ambien."

 

Picard - Lt Worf, open hailing systems.

Yar - Worf sir? He's helmsmen, I open the hailing systems

Picard - Oh your still here? Number 1 I thought I told you to fire her.

Riker - Well yes you did but if I got rid of her I'd be stuck with Troi and I'd rather tap that ass!

Picard (stares at Yars butt) - Fare enough.



Picard - Number 1 you have the bridge. No-one is to disturb me in my masterbatorium.... erm I me Ready Room.



Worf (Speaking to Picard)- Honestly sir I know Geordie went from Lt Jr Grade to Lt Commander in 2 years but I do not need him to monitor my work. i know where the phasers are! It's this button here.

Geordie - Actually Worf that's the horn.

Worf - Oh.....

Picard - And thats why Geordie is there..



Troi - I sense danger...

Data - What is it?

Troi - They are down to their last Milky Way bar in the venting machine.



Crusher - His systems have shut down.

Picard - Will he OK?

Crusher - I don't know, the damage is quite extensive.

Picard - Oh thank god, I really didn't want to go to his Violin concert tonight.

 

Riker: Permission to look at Yar's butt Captain?
Picard: Make it so
Yar: Hey!!!!!



Picard: Now if you'll excuse me Number One, I'm going to look at Orion Porn in my ready room. I do not want to be disturbed for at lease 15 minutes... oh who am I kidding, 3 minutes.

 

YAR: Permission to speak freely, sir?

PICARD: Granted.

YAR: If you two don't stop staring at my ass, I'm going to kick both of yours!

 

Crusher: He's farting himself to death, Captain.
LaForge: Farting all of us to death, you mean.
Picard: Is it the Edo God?
Edo God: NOT US, DUDE.
Picard: <channeling Kirk> Soooooooooooooooong!!!!!




Picard: Number One, remember that force field you activated around those two intruders on the bridge?

Riker: Way ahead of you, sir.

Yar: Is it Friday night already?




Mr Data, why is your internal servo fluid all over my ready room? Did you blow a gasket?

No sir. A Yridian.




Picard: Now that's a payload I'd like to dock.