TOS Caption Contest #223: Captains, Some Courageous, Some Not

Sorry for the slight delay, but it's time for another caption contest. First, let's greet...



Hmmmm, methinks Miss Keeler was perhaps a bit too friendly with the downtrodden folks she took in...

I never noticed this. Did you?

Better Red than dead...

Oh waiter, there's a lizard in my Photoshop...

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Pike tries to mediate the NFL labor dispute, Captain Tracey is half-tempted to point out the Yangs are being lectured to by a Canadian, Kang settles for a five fingered man, and finally we take a peak back aboard the USS Yorktown. Enjoy:

 

Mendez: "If only we knew what was going on in his mind."

Pike (thinking): If only Number One and Yeoman Colt hadn't cock-blocked me.



Kirk: "Sulu, I told you to keep phaser pointed at that backstabbing bastard."

Sulu: "I am."

Spock: *sighs*



Kang: "Are we going to just stand here with our blades locked or are we going to actually try to kill each other?"



Mason: "Helm, ahead warp factor 2."

Schneider: "Nein! You didn't say the magic vord!"

 

Spock: May I take your order?

Mendez: Yes, flank steak, well done. Oh, Sorry Chris.



Kirk: I..... Pledge......Allegiance.....to......the.......flag........

Spock: Captain, Mister Sulu and the security team have now been sufficiently inoculated.

Kirk: .....of.......the.....

Spock: Spock to Enterprise. It's gonna be awhile.




Kirk: Twenty bucks says we'll be laughing together in 3 minutes.



Mason: Don't be like that! I haven't been taken over by Janice Lester. Follow my orders!

 

Mason: "Ahead warp factor three!"
Helmsman: "I'd love to, Captain, but there's no way I can reach the controls from here!"

 

MENDEZ: If only we knew what was going on in his mind.
SPOCK: If only there were someone here who could--ya know--read minds.
KIRK: Shaddap.




SPOCK: Fascinating. I was unaware the captain could dance the "Froog".




KANG: No! It's my turn to carve the Turkey!

 

MENDEZ: Can someone PLEASE get a wet-nap for Fleet Captain Pike?

Quickly??

I don't want to be sitting here when the stench wafts over this way.




TRACEY: I'm impressed.

Jim never told me he was THIS hammy and long-winded.



KANG: Tastes great!!!

KIRK: Less...FILLING!!

 

SPOCK: Permission to take Captain Pike to the lavatory.

According to his chair's software it is time for him to go boom-boom.

 

Mason: Helm, stop doing the Y-M-C-A dance!

 

SPOCK (thinking): I wish the captain would stop staring at my groin.

MENDEZ (thinking): Wow, he looks nothing like Jeffrey Hunter. Or that Greenwood guy either, for that matter. When's my next residual check for It Takes a Thief coming? Wonder if there's any pizza left in the fridge at home...

 

KANG: "You... hit on my wife? Our species aren't even... biologically compatible"
KIRK: "I did it... in the name of... interstellar relations!"

 

Kirk: "Are you as turned on as I am?"

Klingon: "More, as you will find out when I have my way with your corpse."


.

 

Pike: "Geez... how'd I get caught up in this sausage-fest?"


.

 

Hey I'm on a roll, that's my third caption win in the last month. Thanks



Captain Frodo: Set course for the planet Mordor, maximum warp.

Helmsman Boromir: One does not simply warp into Mordor.

 

*Music stops*

*Everyone freezes*

Female officer: "Mendez! You moved! You're out".

 

Captain: "No matter where she stands, she always manages to point her behind in my direction"

(*Seriously, what is it with that officer in the blue skirt?)

 

NIMOY: Couldn't we find some one who looks more like Jeff Hunter?

SHATNER: You've seen the rushes with our stand ins, right?

NIMOY: Yeah, what was I thinking?!



TRACEY (whispering): Spock, there's Khom pointing a phaser right at you!!!



KIRK: I thought you guys liked those weird curvy blades?

KANG: Have you tried actually fighting with one?!!!



MASON: The acoustics in here is lousy. Every order I give dissipates into nothing.

SCHNEIDER (thinking): Thats what he thinks.

 

Mendez: "Chris, can you see Mr. Spock as the next American Idol? Should we put him through to Hollywood?"

 

Sulu: "The raspberry on these walls is to die for. Captain Tracy, take me to your decorator."

 

Spock: "Table for six, please."
Maitre d' (OS): "Sorry, sir, but we don't serve his kind in here."
McCoy: "What?! Just because he's Asian?!"
Maitre d' (OS): "No, sir, because he's a notoriously lousy tipper!"