Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub...

...And they get super, super, super drunk. One offhand comment about somebody's scarf or hat or something explodes into an all out pub-brawl between the Doctors. Who would be the last Doctor standing? Who would be the first to fall?

My money would be on Six or Three, with a potential dark horse victory of Seven. Three had his Venusian Karate and Six seemed to be willing to jump into battle easily enough; Six would probably be more agile and have the weight advantage but Three actually knows martial arts. I say Seven might be capable of a dark horse victory since he was such a manipulator -- I doubt he could 'talk them to death', but he might find a sneaky way to come out on top.

I imagine the Fifth Doctor would meekly excuse himself from the battle and go across the street to that taco place and just cry into a huge burrito. He'd probably try to come off as self righteous when he left, too, but it would only be semi-believable. Come to think of it, the War Doctor might be too immbolized by the inhumanity of it all and sing Beatles songs to himself quietly.

I think Nine would be waiting at the back with a poolstick, just letting the other Doctors wear themselves out before jumping into the fray. He always was one to sulk in the shadows, after all.

The Valeyard would try to get into the fight but the other Doctors would agree that he doesn't count, and so they briefly team up to pick him up and toss him out in the street.

I think the first Doctor would be the first to fall, but unlike the other Doctors he wouldn't be knocked out, and he'd just continue to boast loudly about himself until the battle came to an end.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Well, it's not a pub-brawl, but this is basically all the Doctors fighting each other.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

I'm at that nebulous point where you realize you should have gone to bed three hours ago...And I have to say, this made my day. Maybe even my last three days. I nearly died at the first scarf-whip. Thanks for sharing. : )

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

How come killing the Second Doctor didn't wipe out all the later ones?

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Its a paradox-free fight?

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Venusian Aikido is defensive-only and appears to survive regeneration, so it could be a long fight. Six and the War Doctor might get in some punches, with the War Doctor eliminating Six before Six can choke him out.

Obligatory one-liner: "Where's your Clara now, b****es?"

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Ten would win, cause he has a fightin' hand!

Plus he would be there twice and just team up with himself.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

I wouldn't be so quick to write off the 1st Doctor. Remember, he was ruthless, and it was only Ian who prevented him from smashing the Caveman's head in with a rock and he beat up that guy in The Romans who attacked him.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Honestly, I think that if all the Doctors got together in a pub, instead of brawling they'd end up arguing over science, history, and philosophy, maybe trying to best each other at chess or logic puzzles or riddles (the Seventh would definitely go for riddles), or competing at one of those trivia games they have in pubs. Or just trying to outdo each other at tall tales. Or they'd challenge each other to build gadgets out of stuff lying around the pub, maybe disassemble the TV and the taps to construct a dimensional scanner or something. It would be raucous and competitive, but more on a verbal and intellectual plane than a physical one.

And then they'd all stumble upon some ale-based scheme to take over the Earth and would band together to defeat it.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Imagine if they run into all the incarnations of the Master at that same bar.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Somehow I imagine all this in the cartoon style of those HISHE guys on youtube. XD

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

The Master rigged the TARDIS as a paradox machine.

I think it will be funniest if they do math. With so many of them, in an hour of modular forms and supersingular elliptic curves over a quaternionic finite field algebra they'd get the door of the bar disintegrated without a sonic. The punchline would be when Clara tells them they should have been wasting their time proving the Riemann hypothesis instead because the door is linear and integer.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

He was pretty badass with a sword in The King's Demons.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

So, twelve Doctors walk in to a pub, and one of them says, "You know, this really should be a Baker's dozen."

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

They do when the Master and the Doctor are around. Even maximum security prisons have swords helpfully left around so they can find something to fence with...

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

May the Oods be ever in your favor!

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Yeah, but then how many pub brawls involve a dozen versions of the same person?

But there is a Baker's dozen, if you include the War Doctor.

 

Re: Imagine all of the known incarnations of the Doctor meet at a pub.

Depends on how drunk you are when you look at them...