Voyager Caption Contest 119: Had a Bad Day

Kim gets disturbingly unexpected results from his snake-charmer act.



JANEWAY: No, it was CRAFT beer. I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a connoisseur.



DOCTOR: Why did Doctor Zimmerman program me with male heterosexual desires? It makes my job very frustrating.



The Voyager crew does a fan parody of the music video for Black Hole Sun.



JANEWAY: Little does Chakotay know I'm spiking his wine with personality-destroying neuro-poison. Now he'll never mount a Maquis rebellion.

 

JANEWAY: Dinner for a week, remind me to never gamble with you again.

 

Tom: The Captain was only placating you when she promoted you to Quartermaster of Woodwinds.
Kim: Don't care.



Sorry, Captain - at what point did you think I wasn't holorecording these sessions?
<Doors swish in a huff>

This will disappoint her fan base.

 

Going to try to post the new contest tonight or tomorrow.

 

McNeil: Garrett, pretending to give a clarinet fellatio won't make the PTB give you any more screen time or character development--you know unless you're Jeri.


Janeway: Woo, keggers don't get any easier with age. At least I kept my shirt on this time.


EMH: I keep telling you, I'm a doctor not a gigolo, Captain.
Janeway: Centuries ago, physicians used to treat female hysteria in this way, so get to it, Doctor.


Director: Cut! You in the blue. Yes you. Tone it done for Christ's sake. You're an extra, this isn't going to be your big break.


Janeway loved to sneak up on unsuspecting subordinates, but instead of a cream pie she went with a Rokeg blood one instead.

 

VULCAN (os): Now our minds are one!


VULCAN: Mmmm yeah, Harry, blow the clarinet!
EVERYBODY ELSE: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

 

Janeway: "Well, you're a mediocre doctor, but you're one hell of a vibrator!"
EMH: "That's rather blunt, don't you think? Even for you!"




Janeway: "It's no use; I can't get in the mood! I can't shake the feeling that some pervert with a quantum telescope on some planet is watching us through the windows!"

 

Think you're contest is over, but I love doing these things, so here's a few more:-


Paris: Do you mind not doing that right now Harry!
Harry (thinking): F### you Tom!


Janeway: What happened?
Doctor: Suffice to say you should probably stick to synthehol at the next ship party.


Janeway: Computer activate Erotic Massage Hologram.
Doctor: Please state the nature of the.....CAPTAIN?!?!?
Janeway: Dammit computer, wrong EMH!


Paris: Oh god, my eye!
Everyone: Hahahahahahahahaha.
Paris: No really, I can't see.
B'Elanna: No one cares Tom!
Science officer: Hahahaha, poke the other eye!


Janeway: This is a recipe my grandmother used to make us when I was just a child. Have I ever told you about my mother, fascinating woman...
Chakotay: - gulp gulp gulp -

 

LOL. This is my favourite one from the thread.

 

Cheers

 

Not over yet! I will try to post the winners soon. I've been so busy. T_T

 

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: "I'm telling you, Doctor, those Black Friday shoppers are horrible, just horrible! I've never seen such rude people!"

 

Doctor: Look, I know you said this meeting would be casual, but don't you think this is taking it a little far, Captain?

 

Doc: what do you mean you don't want a rectal exam?

 

EMH: Don't worry, Captain, we EMH Mark One's are experts at "scrubbing plasma conduits on waste transfer barges."
Janeway: Oh no he di'in't!

 

EMH: "I am sorry, Captain, but the closest my programming could come to something like that would be...a pelvic exam, I guess?"
Janeway: "This was a terrible idea and I feel like an idiot."

 

Doctor: Captain, are you alright?
Janeway: Ooooh...my head....
Doctor: I was only gone 12 hours. What happened?
Janeway: I'm never doing that again.
Doctor: Paris's First Contact Day party?
Janeway: No, I let Chakotay drive the ship.
Doctor: Ah. Well come along with me to Sickbay. It's obviously time to have your head examined.

 

Janeway: Doctor! You've got to help me! I'm under attack!

Doctor: By who? There's no one else here.

Janeway: It's my hair! It's sentient and it's trying to eat the rest of my head! It's like some evil warlord or something!

Doctor: So should we call it...Attila the Bun?

 

EMH: Starfleet has given me permission to renew your glaucoma prescription if you would just stop landing the ship in Colorado.
Janeway: Whooooa, temporal anomaly, dude.