View Single Post
Old August 1 2007, 09:26 PM   #19
Lieutenant Commander
Location: Pacific NW
Re: Chapter One

DavidFalkayn said:
a Marine captain who doesn't care too much for Cardassians either,
David, Thanks for the feedback. You were spot on with all of it, except the Marine Captain. What she objected to was the Chief assaulting a Starfleet Officer.

When I said "As far as the Cardassian Ensign, he….”

Captain O’Connell cut him off sharply, “Did you say Ensign, as in Starfleet Ensign?” The dermal regenerator snapped off quickly, leaving significant swelling and redness untreated. Howard answered, also quickly, “Yes Maam, I believe it was a group of Junior Officers reporting here for duty assignment.”

Her face went serious as she shined a light into each of the Chief’s eyes, then away quickly. For the first time, she spoke directly to him, “Let me guess Chief, you’re here on orders to?” Chief Marconi winced as he nodded. “I would say it’s a fine mess you’ve gotten yourself into, but there’s nothing fine about it.” The Captain looked at Howard with a much cooler smile, “He’ll be ok in the brig till you figure out what to do with him. Just call me if he starts vomiting or flopping around on the deck like a fish out of water.”

I was trying to show her disapproval of the species motivated assault by her stopping treatment at possible risk to the chief and sending him back to the brig. She also joined the others in glaring at the Cheif when he entered the breifing room..

I just don't want you to be surprised at her actions in the next chapter, once the crew is enroute to the Shepard.

Gibralter.. who said anything about 'drifting?' Muahahahaha

CeJay.. Hmm, Selak just kind of popped out at me when I was writing. Guess he wanted a bigger part than I had originally given him. Interestingly, so did Chief Marconi, in a way I had not intended either.

Lone Redshirt.. Just how disfunctional remains to be seen

Thanks for reading everyone, thanks for the comments, and I will strive to keep your attention with future installments.
DULAK (AKA E. Patrick Dorris)
United Trek Author (Star Trek Shepard series)
and writer of the John Smith, World Jumper at
Dulak is offline   Reply With Quote