Hate to say it, but I checked out after the first few lines. Why? Because we're presented with another space battle where we're talking about shield percentages (a common fan film trope at this point). And it's hard to get interested when the actors themselves don't seem vested in the situation. Your last effort was trying to tell a story we'd care about even though there were flaws, but this one fails to engage. There's nothing to care about.