And if we accept data as a person, then this holodeck experience would be no less real than the flesh and blood person.
Unless we're talking about a hologram with The Doctor or Moriarty level complexity, the hologram would still be just a simulation. No matter how realistic the simulation is it would still be a Realdoll, and wouldn't feel like anything other than masturbation.
You can't really love a woman you have complete control over. At best she'd be a very effective loneliness bandaid. If a woman can't say no to you, you feel nothing when she says yes.