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Old February 3 2014, 02:39 AM   #178
Maurice
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Re: Fan Film Writer's Primer

I actually wrote "The Day Before Doomsday" and "None So Noble". I don't recall the dates they were submitted, though. I'll have to look in my files. I also wrote one more titled "The Unseen". Partly as possible submissions and partly just to get the hang of writing teleplays. "The Unseen" was never submitted, and I really liked it except for the last act, where I overreached. These were all before my agent explained to me that the show was typically resistant to use elements and characters created by non-staff writers because of potential payments around their re-use, so I stopped using them on my later pitches.

Here's the top of Act One for "None So Noble":

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. SPACE - THE ENTERPRISE (STOCK)

The Enterprise comes out of warp.

INT. ENTERPRISE - BRIDGE

Picard, Troi and Riker are their regular places. Worf studies the Tactical panel intently. Data emerges from the aft turbolift, sees Worf, and moves to his side.

DATA
Sogh worv. ghorgh pat'oghwI'wa'
yuQvagh maH paw?

Worf is so involved that he doesn't catch on at first.

WORF
We are entering orbit in--
(it registers)
You spoke Klingonese!

DATA
In preparation for this mission, I have
memorized nineteen dialects of
Klingonese, and reviewed all Klingon
related material available through the
Starfleet database.

WORF
(skeptical)
Including "batlh Qu' je" by T'loran?

DATA
Yes. An intriguing analysis of the
concepts of honor and duty. However, I
believe that "'Iw qul je" by Nihwad is
a far better work.

Worf doesn't like having Data an expert in his field.

WORF
That is a matter of opinion.

DATA
The database contains little
information about Azarbia V. Can you
tell me about the planet?

WORF
It was the... I...
(a little embarrassed)
I know nothing useful about the planet
or its inhabitants.

DATA
As it is one of the founding planets of
the Klingon Empire, I had assumed that
its history would be important.

WORF
Only Klingon history is important to
the Empire, not that of--
(stops himself from saying
something nasty)
--traitors.

The HAILING SOUND issues from Worf's console, sparing him from having to answer more of Data's questions.
I verbally pitched some new ideas to my agent in summer 1990 and one, called "Skin Deep", cast Riker in a heavy role where he actually menaced Troi, and in the end we'd learn that his body had been hijacked via a neural implant and he was being "puppetted" by a Romulan agent in order to create a false emergency, cause a saucer separation, and steal the stardrive in order to deliver it to the Romulans. In the end Troi was going to have to risk killing Riker to stop it, so it really would've been a good use of her. This was a season before "The Mind's Eye", so they hadn't really done anything like it at that point. That was the one my agent said "That one," to, but by then I got wrapped up in other work and put the Trek script pitching aside. Probably too bad because "Skin Deep" could have been a really good vehicle for Frakes and Sirtis to stretch, I think.
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Last edited by Maurice; February 3 2014 at 02:53 AM.
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