T'Noshi was written as na´ve to the nth degree. Too literal, "too Vulcan." It was perhaps not a wise choice. I'm still out on that issue.
Sarat's pick up line was meant to be groan-worthy, but I agree that it comes off as too earnest, it's bad without being able to stand on its own as an intentional bad line. In that I failed big time. I agree with your analysis. Likewise Frazier and T'Noshi and the Spitting Bug exchange. I cringe myself and I wrote the damn thing.
The teenagers fighting at the end takes the place of what was a general montage of fighting, charging the capitol building (yeah, we had buildings, etc., to start with, but budget concerns quickly convince you to change everything to a public park
), etc., in the script. Quick images to show the battle without showing that we didn't really have hundreds of extras. As far as teenagers, I imagine that the production could not attract more adults (I'm in Ohio; I sit back and Randy gets to do the "heavy lifting" of trying to put the production together). In fact, if I'm not mistaken, most of the teenagers are children/friends of the cast and crew. There's one fellow with shaggy hair who is, I believe, Jeff Green's son.
My intent was to have Grigory beam down for the IDIC, using that as an excuse, to confront Sarat. I saw him as torn -- wanting to off the guy, wanting to uphold his oath (we did have an alternate, unfilmed ending where he did do so), and snapped at Sarat's nonchalance. Jeff, who directed, decided to do the beam in with phaser in hand. It is one of the two or three points that Randy and I truly debated over, but as it was the only take of the scene, it is what it is.
And indeed, if I have my druthers (Randy and I have discussed this in very broad terms), Grigory is going to basically do all the things you mentioned. He will pay very dearly for his actions. This is not a guy who is going to be anyone's "childhood hero" one hundred years hence.