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Old January 19 2014, 04:03 PM   #19
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Location: Patrolling Sector 2814
Re: TNG Caption This! 342: Tardy

Picard: I've just had my annual Captain's evaluation and lost points for having too many long meetings with my bridge crew. So, I've gathered you all here to have a meeting discussing how to have fewer meetings that last over 15 minutes. If you'll all direct your attention to the viewscreen so you can watch the Powerpoint I've created...

Crusher: I got here as fast as I could, what's the medical emergency?

Picard: I have a hangnail.

Worf: *muttering to himself* These humans and their petty problems...

Troi: Okay, gentlemen, you are here for your weekly mandatory sensitivity training. Captain, will you go first and explain to us why you're here?

Picard: I told Lt. Yar she had some real nice "Sweater Puppies."

Data: Query, Sir, what do you mean by "Sweater Puppies?"

Picard: It's slang for breasts, especially, um, firm ones.

Data: Ah, as in "boobies," "jugs," "melons," "gazongas," "milk bags..."

Troi: Data! That's enough! And, a perfect example of why you're here!

Picard: Well, Mr. Data, what has your investigation uncovered.

Data: Impossible as it seems, apparently you are correct, that due to my olfactory senses detecting the smell first, I must have been the one to discharge intestinal gases.

Picard: I understand you never had a childhood, Data, but believe me, there was more truth shared on the primary school playground than one would, at first, believe. Now, be careful in returning to your station. That last encounter with a Klingon has opened a crack in the bridge floor. You know what will happen if you step on it...

Picard: It's the simple pleasures in life, Will. This mug of Earl Grey, for example.

Riker: Some New Orleans jazz.

Picard: A good book.

Riker: The viewscreen showing the feed from the hidden cameras you installed in Troi's quarters.

Picard: Quiet, Will, she's going to take a shower!
"When I reach for the edge of the universe, I do it knowing that along some paths of cosmic discovery, there are times when, at least for now, one must be content to love the questions themselves." --Neil deGrasse Tyson
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