To be perfectly honest, I'm not the biggest fan of overly militaristic Star Trek interpretations. Having said that I though I'd give this a try and thought it was actually pretty decent work. The militaristic jargon here is heavy but by introducing most of it through the eyes of recent cadets, you managed to explain most of it through the story itself.
While I'm the last person to berate anyone on grammar on punctuation, you might want to give it another look on those merits as I found it quite jarring here. For example I'd ensure paragraphs always start in uppercase.
Also while you started out writing this with clean breaks between paragraphs, you seem to have given up on that after a while. It makes it very hard to read and follow a story without these paragraph breaks when posting a story on this forum.