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Old January 10 2014, 04:19 PM   #55
Re: Captain of the next Trek series

New on CBS, Star Trek - but not the star trek you think Series 1!

Featuring an all new crew! Played by a corporate PR friendly multi-ethnic cast that you don't give damn about that you be praying by series 4 for some special guest appearances from well loved peripheral characters from the original star trek series to inject some panache in between reused CGI rendered space battles and tractor beam tugging space garbage footage.

Follow the adventures of the Starship Valangeraliant shoot her way out of trouble (and from any mathematical possibility of a quality storyline) from the evil pastry foreheaded alien of the week with the latest fanwank type-XX phaser banks and escape destruction by being yet the latest fastest ship of the fleet.

Experience romance and comedy, an alien doctor played by <insert clownish loveable TV actor> making inverse racist & condescending quips each week with our loveable but not so bright blue collar all-american act first think later helmsman, who also is trying to bone the intelligent science officer and by series 3 he succeeds in a brief romantic moment in some obligatory abstract holodeck episode.

Klingons! Blood honor, blood wine and dramatic cookie monster style banter between our battle hardened captain and tactical officer who for no likely reason possesses superior bat'leth and hand-to-hand combat skills than our gagh eating alien friends (or are they foes?) - heck, dont miss the episode where the captain of the Valangeraliant wins a gagh eating contest on Kronos to prove how tough and honorable he is.

You have it all, an all round cast with nothing to say, a ship that does more shooting than it does exploring, and action and adventure in space where everything can be resolved by a quick firmware update to the phaser banks or the warp engines.

Coming soon on CBS!
No animals were harmed during posting ...
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