As a writer and editor, I have one almost universally applicable critique statement for almost any piece. I look at the dialogue and ask if the character needs to make that statement, or can it be made shorter?
So many fan productions have dialogue that belabors the obvious, and repeats unnecessary information.
The general rule of thumb in television and film is "No more than 2 lines of dialogue on the printed page." Anything more and you encroach on monologue territory.
When I first learned this little factoid, I couldn't believe how much sense it made to me, and how much it vastly improved my own writing afterward when I began to implement it as I wrote. It cuts away a lot of the exposition and BS, and even when you do wind up including more than the 2 lines, it's usually because you need those extra words.