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Old November 15 2013, 03:59 PM   #105
Location: Detroit
Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

teacake wrote: View Post
She didn't "screw up", she made a choice that was not you. You may think this was a bad choice but it was hers to make. If she was still interested in you she would have kept seeing you and not started seeing someone else, it's as simple as that.

One thing that strikes me is you seem to talk about women as though they can be manipulated and tweaked into making relationship choices, as though it's you versus other guys and the women are the chess pieces and you are trying to decide what your next move and counter move with the other guys should be.

You can't actually tweak a situation in such a way that it produces your desired outcome. Women make their own decisions.
I didn't say she screwed up because she dated this other guy instead of me, I say she screwed up because she dated the guy in itself, and because she told me she screwed up. She pretty much hates the guy now, and still has to deal with him because he's the father of her oldest kid.

Had she continued dating me instead of this other guy, that probably would have been screwing up as well. Her and I weren't romantically compatible. I'd like to think it wouldn't have been as big of a screw up, but there's no way to know that because it didn't happen. As it is, she just got married to the guy she started dating after breaking up with the guy she had her first kid with and, while I have not met him yet, he seems like a decent guy and I like him based on what little I know about him. I'm focusing on the men I don't like because of the context of the thread, but most of the women I know that are in relationships are with men and women that I find to be decent people and very likable.

Would you people please stop interpreting everything I say in the worst way possible?

Melakon wrote: View Post
As strange as it may sound, I don't think the problem is overanalyzing things. It sounds more like you're over rationalizing reasons why you shouldn't take a step toward asking this current girl out.
You mean like how at the barest hint that I may be repeating past mistakes and haven't learned anything I make a bigger deal out of it than is reasonable, giving me a reason to hesitate and probably eventually backing off while patting myself on the back for successfully avoiding a mistake instead of trying to date this girl and opening the possibility of actually making the same mistake again? I think this is very likely.

JarodRussell wrote: View Post
I also once thought I needed to “help“ the girls I liked. And by that I mean trying to talk them into making decisions that I liked.
As did I. Did you miss the part where I said "in the past" and that that implies that I realize now that it was wrong? That being said, I agree with the rest of your post, except for the parts that imply that I don't already realize this.

Robert Maxwell wrote: View Post
Yes, but again: this is not your problem to solve. It only involves you if and when you are in a relationship with this woman and it is affecting that relationship somehow. Unless and until that happens, there is little point wasting brainpower on it.
It only involves me if it is causing her stress and I notice that it is causing her stress. But yes, it is not my problem, and I'm not trying to make decisions for her, despite everyone assuming that I am for some reason.

Robert Maxwell wrote: View Post
I'm seeing two possibilities here:

1. Something about you causes this reaction, and perhaps you should figure out what it is and change it.
2. This isn't really happening the way you think it is, in which case something is flawed in your thinking.
3. They're ass holes and should be dismissed as such. This kind of thing happens more than seems reasonable, but still not very often. I also have had a tendency to give ass holes more attention than is reasonable, so it kind of makes sense.

Robert Maxwell wrote: View Post
Do you go to therapy or anything? I'm not asking as a joke.
Good. If you were, I would dismiss anything you have to say. Mental disorders are legitimate medical conditions and making fun of those that have them or seek treatment is just as stupid as making fun of someone for having a heart attack or going to the hospital after having one.

Robert Maxwell wrote: View Post
Your attitude sounds quite obsessive/compulsive and it may benefit from professional attention. It's at least worth investigating, if you haven't already. I am not a psychiatrist, after all.
Possibly. Although, I have a very high IQ (I'm not telling anyone what it is). I process information very quickly and am hyper-observant. What looks to be obsessive behavior in me is actually pretty effortless and doesn't cause me much if any undue stress. However, it is up to a psychologist to determine if it constitutes primarily obsessive OCD or if there is another problem.

I am a psychology student, and I do not view therapy negatively. However, I do not have medical insurance and, even if I did, there's a good chance this kind of thing wouldn't be covered because, unfortunately, mental health care is often considered a luxury by the idiots that run things, and I cannot otherwise afford therapy at this time. If I get into the Ph.D. program I want, the medical coverage I get will cover it, and the university I'm transferring to next year may have something available that I can manage. Whether or not OCD is an issue with me, I definitely have issues with depression that need to be treated.

Robert Maxwell wrote: View Post
ETA: Also, listen to what teacake said and stop thinking of this as a game in which you have to "beat" another guy to "win" the girl. It's skeevy.
I think I'm being stereotyped for starting "this type of thread" again. I do not think of it as a game. The closest I have ever come to thinking of it as a game is the perception that everyone else thinks of it as a game and, if I wanted successful relationships, I had to start thinking of it as a game because "that's just the way the world works." I tried to think of it as a game, but that ultimately didn't work because there is no one way the world works, and seeing it as a game is pretty stupid. Some of this may have shown through when I was talking about the past, but it is not part of my current outlook.
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