Imagine you're walking down the street, and suddenly you come across a $100 bill on the sidewalk.
As you bend over to pick it up, someone runs up behind you and kicks you in the junk, hard.
To top things off, as you stumble around, half-blind and trying not to vomit or pass out from the pain, that son of a bitch steals the $100 bill.
That's the experience of watching Prime Directives.
Uhhh how can it be this bad?
The same way any movie or series or miniseries can be bad: A bunch of incompetent nincompoops were hired to write, direct and produce the thing.
Fireworks Entertainment, a Canadian studio that was known for insanely low-budget works, had acquired the television rights to RoboCop
from Skyvision through some scamboogery or another. Those rights were due to expire sometime in 2001, so Fireworks commissioned the Prime Directives
miniseries, helmed by Julian Grant (known for making low-budget schlock) and written by two goons with no feature credits to their name (but they were really big RoboCop fans
! And they interacted with the fans on the Internet! So of course it would be great!), with a crazy low budget and a bunch of no-name, cheap actors. The biggest name in the cast was Page Fletcher, as RoboCop -- and his biggest claim to fame was starring in The Hitchhiker
on HBO in the '80s.
(Fun side note: Because the Prime Directives
production was so low-budget, they couldn't afford to have multiple fiberglass Robosuits struck from Rob Bottin's original mold. So Bottin sent one of his only "original" Robosuits to be used by Fletcher. Upon receiving it, the crew realized that Page Fletcher was about five inches shorter than Peter Weller, and so the suit was ridiculously oversized for him. Their solution? They took a hacksaw to a few portions, notably the lower legs, to try and get it to fit Fletcher better. Bottin was, shall we say, not pleased
when the suit was returned to him.)
is bad. It's really
bad. Even the score is beyond terrible (the hero theme sounds like something you'd hear at a bullfighting event). There is no reason for it to exist, and watching it may in fact give you dick cancer.