It was a matter of degree that I had a problem with. Spock's entire planet was destroyed and he personally witnessed his mother "falling" out of the transporter beam. This is the younger, more emotional Spock and yet he barely reacts until Kirk makes some taunting remarks. He stops when Sarek tells him to with nobody else thinking that Kirk was in enough danger of being beaten to death that they felt they had to step in and help.
One year later, we've got someone that Spock still doesn't consider a friend until the fateful moment when he dies. Suddenly, he's screaming, running, jumping and chasing Khan across a city single handedly. Uhura's the only one who can stop him. And yet all his rage is because of the death of one person. Never mind the tens or hundres of thousands buried under the Vengeance. "You killed my friend that I just realized I had".
One person is more important that thousands or millions or billions. That's what gets my attention. It's got to be personal before I give a damn.
That's why I think it's odd. Why should I care about all the deaths on Vulcan or San Francisco when the characters don't? Just like Alderaan was simply to show what a threat the Death Star is and what a bunch of bad asses the Empire are.
If it worked for you, that's fine. I just found it rather callous that one person (or two counting Amanda) gets a much, much greater sense of outrage that billions. What would Spock do if Kirk and/or Amanda hadn't been among the dead? Would he be so much more willing to let Nero live or to not try to beat Khan to death?
Even Spock's decision to return to Starfleet at the end of the first movies seems selfish. He was ready to do his part to save his species from extinction but changed his mind when his older self told him about his budding bromance. "Screw those guys, I'm going to go hang with my buds". An yet, even after a year has passed Spock doesn't seem any closer to Kirk, at least not until Kirk "dies". It's only the very personal losses that seem to get any sort of reaction from Spock. All the rest don't seem to matter and, to me, that makes him a rather selfish character. More "The needs of the one" as opposed to "The needs of the many".