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Old November 8 2013, 01:18 PM   #60
Location: Detroit
Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
[I've never seen any of your posts before this thread
So you're basing your opinion of me on a small, unrepresentative sample size and filling in the rest with your past experiences with others. This is precisely what I did originally. The difference is, I acknowledged that there was a good chance I was not perceiving the situation properly. There's also the whole "I'm being hyperbolic and satirical to make this entertaining" thing most people seem to be overlooking. That probably wouldn't have been a good thing to do if i was really desperate for good advice. However, some people had some good things to say, and this thread is all kind of entertaining. I hope others are having fun too.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
but it's now clear to me that you are an ego-driven, antagonistic person that projects on other people in order to make yourself feel better about your own issues.
I'm the only person in this thread who has acknowledged that I'm wrong about things. The comments about my ego have come from those who can't seem to handle it that some dipshit on the internet doesn't think of their posts as sage-like advice that should be followed to the letter. Yes, I'm the one who is being egotistical and projecting.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
You want to tell everyone that you're so self-aware that you've already come to every conclusion they offer, but you don't want to go the extra step and try to CHANGE things so you can change your situation. And you do it by antagonizing people and being overly defensive. So, really, how self aware is that?
Yes, I should just listen to anyone that insists that they know what they're talking about, because being hostile and making declarative statements are the marks of a good, reasonable argument. Seriously, reading some of these posts I feel like I'm watching Fox News.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
I guess you should ruminate on it forever before making a decision on what to do. And while you're doing that, these same issues with dating and your social life will come up again and again.
Ruminating forever and being instantly decisive are not the only two options. Yes, I think things through. A lot of times, I end up making the right decision, or at least making the wrong decision.

Essentially, the question I asked in the OP is how to deal with possessive, confrontational men when interacting with women. What I gathered is that if this kind of behavior gains favor with the girl I'm probably better off backing away from the situation. Otherwise, the behavior will probably piss her off and isn't a problem. I thought it possible there were other options. Maybe there are, maybe there aren't. Being polyamorous, I'd like to think that effective communication may work. If I can sit down with the guy and discuss why he's feeling jealous and possessive, something may come of it. Usually that's not possible, but sometimes it is.

In order to attempt it, I have to understand why men act like this. I really don't understand why people act this way simply because someone else wants to interact with the object of their affection. So I began searching for a way to identify with them, and I found it: when someone is actively trying to prevent me from interacting with someone else.

Many people accused me of being the very same jealous, possessive guy that I'm complaining about. That's understandable. In trying to understand these men, I drew parallels between their behavior and my own emotions. I got angry, jealous, and possessive and discovered that, yes, I do understand their motivations. The next time I find myself confronted by one of these men, whether in my current situation or elsewhere, I now stand a better chance of solving the problem if I can get the other guy or guys to sit down and talk.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
And as for the criticisms of your wardrobe...okay, maybe that's shallow of people. But let me just say that, just by the way you REACT to such criticism, it doesn't matter what you wear.
Considering the way people have responded to the criticisms I've made about their posts in this thread, I've demonstrated that I take criticism very well.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
Even if someone really doesn't care about your style choices and wants to get to know you as a person, and makes an innocuous joke about your fedora or something, your bitter, vitriolic personality that comes out when you perceive that you're under attack is enough to make them think twice about your character.
I honestly don't give a shit if people don't like the way I dress. Unlike some people in this thread, I understand that not everything I say or do is going to be universally liked or accepted. My primary criticism is that people seemed to think it was important. A lot of people like the way I dress and comment on it in my daily life. Some people don't like it, and also comment. Not a big deal really. Usually their funny about it.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
So what's worse...someone being shallow or someone whose skin is so thin that they lash out at everything, real and imagined, just so they can keep wallowing in their own quagmire of issues?
They're the same really.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
Look, you've demonstrated in this thread that you're smart.
No, I've demonstrated that I'm intelligent. If I was smart I would use that intelligence to make good decisions.

sttngfan1701d wrote: View Post
You have what you need to change. All you need is to be smart enough to realize it and stop lashing out. Otherwise, this shit is just going to come up again and again.
Yes, I'm aware that some people don't like it when I stand up for myself. Not standing up for myself is what caused the problems, it's not the solution.

mickmike wrote: View Post
So you asked the girl out? What did she say?
I meant that the issue had already been addressed. I have not asked her out, which I've also already addressed.

Melakon wrote: View Post
^ You know how it is when you're in your twenties. Anyone giving you advice because they've already been there, automatically doesn't know what he's talking about.
Experience is meaningless. People learn the wrong lessons from experience all the time. Saying "I have experience" as the sole support for an argument is even more meaningless.

In order for it to mean anything, one has to demonstrate that their experience was meaningful. I see this all the time with non-monogamy. Someone comes along and says "I had a threesome once and things turned out horribly" and infer from this that all people who choose non-monogamy are doomed to repeated failure, completely dismissing that lots of people are successful with various forms of non-monogamy, and that strictly monogamous relationships fail all the time as well. I listen to people that establish credibility.

mickmike wrote: View Post
I'm having images of Kommander going nuts picard style over the fedora comments

everyone: Kommander! Just blow up the damn fedora!

Kommander: No! Nooooooooooo! *smashes display case full of fedora's*
Sounds like something I'd enjoy doing.

Scout101 wrote: View Post
The fedora only came up because HE mentioned it a couple times,
I mentioned it once, only insofar as it exists, before people started giving me shit about it.

Scout101 wrote: View Post
and how he thought he looked great in it.
I never said great.

Scout101 wrote: View Post
We're shallow for not agreeing with him, however.
No, you're shallow for making a big fucking deal about it like it's some indicator of how shitty a person I am. I'm surprised no one's making as big a deal about the handful of typos I've made. I guess that demonstrates that you people aren't completely petty.
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