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Old November 7 2013, 10:33 AM   #36
Location: Detroit
Re: Angst-Ridden Dating Rant #17

Melakon wrote: View Post
Is fantasizing about other people's relationships also a hobby?

Melakon wrote: View Post
Ask yourself what the common element is in these toxic situations.
I have asked myself that, and answered it: It's me.

I've identified why: I'm attracted to toxic relationships.

I even have at least some idea as to why I'm attracted to them: If I'm dating someone who has a bunch of bullshit to deal with, I'm hoping my flaws won't seem as bad by comparison and will go unnoticed, dating these people gets really emotionally intense and, after spending my childhood and teenage years suppressing my emotions, feeling something that intense feel great, and, on some level, I believe I'm fundamentally unlovable and the best I can do is be used by someone who loves me only because I'm the least shitty thing in their fucked up life.

I then realized why this should change: Everyone has flaws, and a lot of people actually like mine, or at least find them tolerable, and because of this, I'm not fundamentally unlovable. So, two of those problems were based on false premises. The addiction to intense emotions, however, is a very real problem and something I should keep an eye on. Also, being in these situations really sucks and does not end well for anyone.

I've somewhat figured out how to change it: Learn to identify these situations and avoid them. I've had some success with this. Unfortunately, one woman I've decided I should avoid works at my school and I have to sneak past her some times.

And finally, I've figured out how to move on: Enter into relationships that are not toxic. This I have not managed yet. Hopefully i will.

I'm sorry, was the "you're the common element" thing supposed to be some big reveal? One of the advantages of over-analyzing fucking everything is that I have become very self-aware.
Kommander is offline   Reply With Quote