If you want to make it better remove Captian and 1st Officer and insert Kirk and Spock. (The suits were hot to kill off Kirk anyway.) You could throw in the other regulars and viola. If nothing else it would be a better death than Kirk got anyway...not to mention an end befitting an action hero and his crew.
Had the Enterprise-C been the Enterprise-A and the episode revealed the fates of Kirk and crew... now *that* would have been epic!
(YE was a huge disappointment to me when I first saw it - the TV guide said "the old Enterprise goes forward in time..." and I went into it expecting the above!)