Here's my view on some of your grievances. I'm not arguing, just giving an opposing viewpoint from a fellow lifelong Trekkie.
2. But they had them in TNG (the subspace transporter mod in "Bloodlines"), the Dominion had them in DS9 (yet for some reason only used them for the odd dramatic escape or kidnapping, rather than say beaming live torpedoes into the Federation President's office), and in TOS we saw many species with similar technologies. Yet starships were never obsolete. Why is transwarp beaming a deal-breaker in the new films but acceptable in older Treks?
3. I can't dispute that one.
8. The movie unfortunately never made it clear, but according to the novelization, Red Matter requires extremely high temperatures to detonate into a black hole - like the core of a world (or a ship colliding and exploding)
9. Speed-of-plot has been the rule in Trek (and 99% of other TV shows, for that matter) more than the exception. Outside of Voyager, ships zipped around the galaxy in the space of a scene break - in DS9 they frequently travelled from the station to Kronos, Romulus, Ferenginar, Earth and Cardassia often by runabout, without the weeks or months of travel time that warp speed charts and official space maps would have us believe those journies should take.
10. You've kinda got it backwards, in a reverse-continuity kind of way. The USS Kelvin was 467m long and had a crew of 800, prior to the timeline split. Something happened in the Prime universe to shrink frontline ships, which didn't in the AU. Probably different people running Starfleet in the wake of the Kelvin's destruction - Admiral Marus was a crazed warmonger, wheras Admiral Nogura was comparitively a peacenik who probably wanted Starfleet represented by 23rd century versions of Voyager instead of gigantic Enterprise-D equivalents.
I'd also dispute ships being destroyed "all the time" - that may have been true in The Original Series, but none of that's happened here. Barring a few losses to the Xindi and more during the Earth/Romulan war a century earlier, things have presumably been quiet - and the Kelvin survivors would have had a hell of a story to tell.
I'll be back with what I liked and why, in a bit...