We have to find a balance that works.
That's the problem, isn't it? Weren't you the one advocating for spoiler tags on everything with less than two years on the open market? How's that an example of balance? As I said before, I agree that people need to be more careful when it comes to revealing sensitive information about a book. Something like a character death, character leaving a ship, or character missing in action should definitely be spoiler coded because these are significant plot points that affect the tone and direction of story.
That said, people need to use good judgement and common sense when it comes to avoiding spoilers about books they want to read. When The Phantom Menace
came out in 1999, I didn't want to know anything about the move until I saw it, so I avoided the internet except for checking my email. Guess what? It worked. I went into the movie knowing nothing. Now, 1999 was some time ago, and a lot's changed with social media (virtually non-existent then) over the past fourteen years. But people can still be careful enough to avoid information they don't want to read.