Tall Men With Feelings ... continues
The first scene we see of Piper in this ep, is a silent one. She's standing alone by the stainless steel looking utilitarian wall phones that appear circa 1968. She's already dialed, and you KNOW she's waiting for that crappy recording announcing "an inmate from Litchfield is trying to reach you." Lucky for us the scene switches before it plays, to the waiting room of NPR (National Public Radio). Larry is signing in at the desk as his smart phone rings. He pulls it out and we see the legend "LITCHFIELD" with a phone number at the top of the screen and the "accept" and "Decline" buttons at the bottom. He actually stops to think for a second before hitting "decline" then puts the phone away.
I'm sorry... "Team Larry"...
but you lost about 500 points
from me at that moment.
I loved it when the other guest
made Larry feel about 3 inches tall (He did
realize he should be embarrassed, right???)
discussing everything he has to go through with his husband in Antarctica for nearly TWO YEARS.
As I watched Larry claim he went upstate to see Piper "pretty often" I wanted to use my mother's fav line, "You can go to hell for lying, just as well as stealing",
but with my luck he's a secular humanist like Piper and so that line would not hold any threat.
What a prick!
He couldn't be bothered to even call her after being sent to SHU. To ask if it was true that she'd rekindled her post graduate romance with the drug dealer. To ask if their engagement was off because she reunited with her soul-mate, or if like Morello, she was just enjoying some vacation time on the sunny island of lesbos? No... he could mope and cry about what Healy told him, OH and he could go on a program about long distant relationships and PRETEND he was still in one, but he couldn't once hit the friggin' "accept" button in the last 10 days.
Hell, does he even know that brother Cal told sister Piper that Larry was going on the radio to talk about "them" / HER?
An honorable man would have canceled on the kind Mr. Maury... but then an honorable man would miss out on the notoriety that this
man craves. What good is being a furry sidekick (his description of himself, NOT mine
) if you don't have your star anymore?
(Can you tell how much I'm pissed off
at him right now? And I don't even sleep with him!
As noted above, Nicky tells Piper that the fiancÚ will be on NPR "tomorrow" which is, naturally, NEWS to her. Piper allows her rage at the man "not in her life" to be supplanted by her indignation at the lack of a formal memorial service for Tricia, the girl she barely knew. Of course, there can be just 1 remedy, Piper will organize one. Unfortunately, no-one shows up except Alex... and eventually Crazy Eyes.
I loved this ep because we finally get some serious flashback info on these two, info that explains not how they fell together... but more importantly, how they fell apart.
"Present" Alex is laughing at the self absorption that is Piper Chapman, as Piper pronounces the lack of public interest in the memorial to mean that ONLY SHE CARES for the dead woman. After laughing at her lover, Alex starts to get personal and the little digs
are turning into serious jabs.
: Because I think we both know that dealing with emotional chaos is not one of your strong suits. Which is why we're "not having an affair", we're just "being human", and why you are planning a memorial for a girl you barely knew.
: (looks away from Alex)
We talked. I did know her.
: (she slams an uppercut!)
Did you know her better than you knew my mom?
Piper: (looks sadly at Alex)
That's not fair.
Alex: (Looks away then sighs and looks back)
None of it was fair.
Suzanne eventually interrupts this tete e tete with that cogent advice for Alex on the proper care of your wife. (compliment her titties) Alex seems to seriously consider that advice as she remembers a fateful day in Paris, 8 (?) years ago.
"Past" Piper is trying to draw her lover's attention from the laptop and not succeeding. As she tries to leave, muttering about feeling like a pathetic housewife, Alex makes a "gesture". She offers to take Piper out clubbing that night. Piper doesn't seem thrilled, but it looks like its the best offer she's likely to get from Alex, so she accepts. Before she turns away, Alex makes her biggest MISCALCULATION
in the game called "the courting of Miss Piper Chapman."
Hey... would you be up for a trip to Istanbul this weekend?
Piper: (Turns back all EXCITED!) Yes!
Oh Babe, that's great. Thank-you! I think you should be able to get there and back in a day, so you won't even have to stay overnight. I'm gonna call and set up your ticket for you.
(Piper's face has gone from ecstatic to puzzled to disappointed
Oh my god. I thought for a second you meant we would go together... like a vacation... like normal people.
Alex: (Getting a little hot, and not in a good way)
I need you to do this. I wouldn't ask if I had any other option.
Piper: (Talk about getting hot!)
told you that I would NEVER
do that again. Jesus... I am so stupid
. I really am. I'm just another drug mule to you.
And here is where Alex Vause trumps Larry Bloom
in the clueless lover
: (Raises voice)
You are such a na´ve asshole sometimes!
: (Calls her raise) I'M
Alex: (I guess the Star can't make do w/o her furry sidekick)
right now, and you won't even consider helping
I am DONE!
I can't do this
anymore, I can't be with
Are you serious? Where are you gonna go?
I don't know where I'm gonna go...I gonna go back to the States where I'm not your errand girl.
Their argument continues with Alex's accusations that Piper is secretly a straight girl & therefore her concerns are unworthy of consideration. Piper's rejoinder?
I guess that is
easier than facing the fact that you are a drug dealer. And it is ruining everything
good in your life.
comeback... "You knew exactly
what you were getting into... (and here comes the guilt)
I thought we were a team."
can't believe Alex's response and turns to walk away.
you are now a 1000 points
in the hole.