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Old July 28 2013, 11:13 PM   #113
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JanewayRulz!'s Avatar
Location: North America
Re: Kate Mulgrew - Orange is the New black

Guy Gardener wrote: View Post
The admin here got right up my ass, strongly suggesting that I was only allowed to propose marriage to just three board members per year from now on.

We'll see if Teacake makes the cut next year.

She must be on pins AND needles!




Episode #5 The Chickening

AKA: Surrealism meets Litchfield.

Its Sunday.

She's been in prison about 3 weeks.

Piper grabs a book, her private stash of peanut butter and a cup of coffee from the breakfast line and walks out into the brisk fall morning to commune with nature and pretend for a few moments that she isn't in prison sharing a cubical with a slave trader and her life hasn't turned into a big load of manure.

Funny, now that she's "allowed" to eat, she skips the food for a little alone time in the yard.

Did you know the inmates do Tai Chi there?

Piper looked surprised.

That's probably why seeing the live brown chicken strutting about didn't phase her much... after all, in the last three weeks she's seen just about everything, right?


After 3 weeks, she STILL hasn't learned to keep her mouth shut.

"You need to talk to Red."

I didn't know that Russians liked chicken so much, but when Red waxed almost orgasmically about the idea of eating this non-processed meat, hell I wanted to run out there to find it and Red could KEEP her Biore Strips!

There's an old saying, "you hold them cheap, his cliffs of fall, you who have not hung there."

I think the corollary would be, "You can't understand what calls another person so you reinvent their motivation into something that makes sense."

Red just wants to eat something fresh, something untainted and will pay for the privilege.

But that's not enough for her fellow inmates. They assume there's a deeper meaning to the hunt for the elusive chicken. Its smuggling drugs or money, or candy (????) or a gun, so off they go like a scene from "Its a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World" (The 1963 version)

Its pretty funny. Its really pitiful too when you consider that their lives are reduced to "bragging" about seeing a chicken, something only the crack heads... and Piper, have ever claimed to have seen.

Since not much is happening this week... its not like she can tell her fiancÚ and her best friend in the visitation room about the screwdriver, Piper does brag about seeing the chicken. "Red said I'm not useless!" Then she remembers there is a life outside of these walls and asks about the soap business. We learn that they haven't told "Barney's" that Piper is in jail, and that the VERY pregnant Paulie doesn't want to expand their business while Piper is unable to help. Larry complains that he & Piper need the missing income... BUT doesn't offer to help. Piper suggests a phone conference with their liaison at Barney's to foster the lie that everything is normal with the soap company.

When the 2 minute warning sounds, Piper thinks to ask if Larry's lawyer dad has made progress at unsealing the indictment and finding out whether Alex turned her into the Feds. When Paulie wonders why its so important, Piper forgets herself and is honest about her emotions. So honest that Larry realizes that Alex is in the same prison. SO now we have ONE minute left for Larry's insecurity to surface, for Paulie to put her foot in her mouth about Piper's sex life and Larry's rent free existence, and for Piper to reassure Larry about her fidelity and disabuse Paulie of her belief that prison can "turn" anyone "gay".

I notice she didn't mention the "Gay for the stay" phenomenon.

Piper should have stopped with the chicken story.

Loved Nikki in this one, (well, not the "sex in the chapel scene" but in the end I don't think Nikki enjoyed it either ), loved her calling Red... "Mom!", loved her ogling the yoga class from her seat in the AA class, loved her response to Tastee's rock bottom story ("He was dead.") as she looked shocked then gave her buddy a one armed hug across the racial divide.

Really loved the psycho drama that unfurled when Alex stood up to "share" her story with the AA class, and due to proximity with the entire yoga (including Piper) class.

It seems, somewhere down the line... Alex went from "importing" heroin to using heroin. She blames her conversion on external circumstances... she was going through a breakup at the time... no, she corrected herself, when she was ABANDONED... that she started using her product. Piper can't just sit and stretch while listening to this, so she rolls up her mat and starts to leave while Alex waxes nearly orgasmically about her new "partner".

"Heroin was the best girlfriend I ever had. She always made me feel better and she was always available. But even the best girls will fuck you over, you know."

Piper is walking out at this point and adds her own 2 cents.

"Yeah, you would fucking know, wouldn't ya!"

Loved Tricia's response as Piper exits stage right, "Damn, I thought yoga was supposed to relax you?"

I think Nikki caught the elusive look that passed over Alex's face while Piper stalked away. Like she predicted "last week" Nikki will eventually learn all the secrets that bind these two together.

Didn't see much of Miss Claudette in this one, she was busy in the prison library reading about appealing convictions in the Federal courts.

Did see the transsexual Sophia chatting up Butch Boo about her loss of a legal supply of estrogen. Loved Boo's idea of hitting up the old lady Lifers for THEIR supply, which lead to Sophia's sudden urge to spend time with the Catholic Nun. This Nun is a hoot, and after stringing Sophia along for most of the day, she informed Sophia in NO uncertain terms that she would not give up her estrogen to Sophia.

It was funny when she did it, but the Nun was right. Sophia didn't need the elusive estrogen... she needed to confront her feelings over her son Michael.

We did get a healthy (???) dose of Tiffany this week. The toothless white trash convict who has become a holy roller. She disses the Nun ("You {the female Chaplin} and that Pope's bitch are running the place." Loved the Nun's retort... "I prefer to think of myself more as the Pope's homie". )

Tiffany has made her own cross... literally, and has dragged it into the chapel to "hang" it up. Of course, that's against the rules and we see her carrying it back out of the chapel in a crass imitation of the Passion of Christ.

Why crass? Puhlease... its a GLOW IN THE DARK cross!

Tiffany and her white trash posse try to hang the cross later in the day, but instead they pull the ceiling down on top of themselves. Its funny then scary the way Pornstache yells at her... and sad the was she finds scapegoats to blame for her damage. No, not the Catholics OR the Wiccans this time... it was the transsexual standing in the room telling her "That's not a load bearing pipe" as her posse hefted the cross. God punished the transsexual by collapsing the ceiling in a chapel he/she never used???

Speaking of life outside the prison... I am starting to like Larry's dad, even IF he's an "ass man". He has such a dry sense of humor...

"You want to know if {Alex} fingered her? I think that's been established."

...and he has his eyes wide open about his son...

"Maybe its time you get a job."

... & what life is like in prison for his "future daughter in law".

"Listen Larry, don't tell her. {about Alex "fingering" her} Prison is a fishbowl, the last thing she needs is an enemy to obsess over, to do something stupid out of anger. Let serve her time and leave without any trouble."

His mother still gives me the willies, but his dad seems like a keeper, especially when he points out that the "truth" is over rated and Larry should keep her focused on her life outside of the prison, her business, the elusive wedding... whether it happens or not.

I did like Piper's speech to Red about the woman who will find the chicken will be the one who wants it the most, who dreams about it, who can "prepare" it the best, not just the one who has a dog.

A nice philosophy for life. Too bad Larry and Paulie weren't around to hear it.

Did love Red's retort when they were both face down in the grass, with Pornstache lecturing them, "I will never listen to you again."

At least Piper is starting to catch a clue about NOT offering too much information when she defied Mr Healy's contention there was no chicken but STOPPED herself from disputing his opinion on female ejaculation. (Remember, Nikki discovered that personal fact about Piper last week.)

I liked the end, kind of.

I liked the fact that Piper left the phone hanging from the wall, and left Paulie hanging on the line alone with the liaison from Barney's while she ran out of the building to chase the chicken.

I liked it... but was stunned to be so starkly reminded that the elusive thing they all seek... is beyond their grasp, out in the free world.
"But life is a battle: may we all be enabled to fight it well!" Charlotte Bronte

Last edited by JanewayRulz!; July 28 2013 at 11:23 PM.
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