Guy Gardener wrote:
Pornstache has an IQ of 70....
Just remember... Pornstache used to be the Sexy dangerous soldier Boy on Weeds... Oh and he played a sexy yoga instructor medium, his Zen was super sexy...
He was on the Wire?
How fucking old is this guy?
Oh look, he was on the Black Donnelly's with Kate.
At least he wasn't a "Donnelly". It would have been weird two have TWO former "offspring" work with Kate on this series.
Episode #4 "Imaginary Enemies"
AKA the first ep Denise at ew.com did NOT watch before she abandoned the show.
For those of you who binged this last week and don't remember which one this is... I have one word for you.
That covers only 10 % of the important stuff in this ep... but its a decent place holder.
In the previous ep, Piper was finally assigned a bed in the dorms, and of course this nice white suburbanite was placed "in the ghetto" which is local slang for "the black barracks". It was a telling moment because we discovered that "Red" isn't the only one around here with "power". Miss Claudette didn't like the attitude she was getting from her new black roomie, and not only had her moved, but had Piper replace her.
Piper's attitude may have been more to Miss Claudette's liking, but Piper brought a hell of a lot of drama
with her, evidenced by Crazy Eyes peeing on their floor at 2 am to protest Piper's rejection of her romantic advances.
Episode 4 opens with a freaked out Piper kneeling on the floor, trying to quietly mop up the urine with maxi-pads while Miss Claudette quietly lowers the "boom" on the "poor little rich girl".
It was funny and distressing... but the intriguing
thing wasn't Piper's predicament, it was the flashback to a young teen aged Claudette being introduced to an elevator for the first time (Its a magic box that flies) en-route to her first meeting with her new Haitian-American owner who will take care of her until Claudette works off her parent's debt. Oh, and speaking of romance, the one thing that shy uncertain Claudette seems to imprint upon, is the young Baptiste who drove her to her new life, especially after he promised he would not allow anyone to hurt her.
Its always amazing how much they can pack into these shows without commercials. TPTB get another 14 minutes of story telling per ep, and man did they use it this time to great advantage.
We meet Mercy who worked for Red in the kitchen, but who will soon be released to the big bad world. Red has already lined her up with a job, shitty though it may be, and her friends are dividing up the belongings she will not take with her to her new life. Two of the things she'll be leaving behind are her former lover... the short, overweight lesbian with the BUTCH tattoo on her right arm (Boo) and her current lover, the skinny blond emaciated girl (Tricia) with the throat tattoo. We learn there's quite a bit of Peyton Place going on in the prison, with Mercy taunting Boo, Boo taunting Tricia, Boo getting a previous lover stuck in prison an extra 2 years by arranging an ambush... oh... it was all so sordid the way Red described it.
And of course... since Red did describe it, we are on pins and needles waiting for the rumble to go down.
But wait we must, because Piper has finally been assigned a job. Where would you put a yuppie with no practical skills who was a "TA" in college?
Right... the electrical shop.
The fun thing is that's where Nikki works, and I really came to love Nikki in this episode. She was funny in the shop, she was funny on lunch break... she was helpful when she explained why Piper had to lay on the floor when an alarm went off... she was hilarious when she explained what the SHU (the place a fellow inmate went when the screw driver came up missing) was like. "Its like the Hamptons... only f-king horrible!"
As fun as she was... the love came in Nikki's dealings with the hard boiled Alex in this ep.
Alex tried to help out, decorating the common room for Mercy's going away party, but she wasn't sufficiently respectful and so was "disinvited" by Tricia. Alex showed up to use the microwave during the party and was dissed by Tricia and (?) Gloria. She can't go to her bunk, since her Bunkie is holding bible study and handing out boarding passes for the coming "Rapture" so she ends up in the prison library where Tastee is giving a great review of Ulysses ("All that rambling is bullshit") and there Nikki probes Alex's psyche. (Really... NOT a euphemism for sex this time.
Nikki had a real bonding moment with Alex as she literally gave her fellow inmate a shoulder to cry on. It was so sweet.
Much sweeter than the bonding moment Piper and Miss Claudette had when there was a sweep through all the rooms to find the missing screwdriver. LOVED Miss Claudette's quick thinking/hiding place. LOVED her logic re: why Piper couldn't simply drop it in the yard for someone to find. "What if your peeing admirer finds it and stabs your tall girlfriend in the eye with it? Then you are an accessory to murder!"
Hey... when did everyone find out about Piper and Alex? Did a memo go out?