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Old July 9 2013, 06:17 AM   #4
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Re: TNG Caption This! 320: On top of the world

Sensing his date was failing, Geordi attempted to MacGuyver his way out of it.

Crusher: Sickbay to Bridge, I've figured out what we are dealing with. Everyone on this ship who replicated fish for dinner will become violently ill within the next half hour.

Picard: Just how serious is it, Doctor?

Crusher: Extremely serious. It starts with a slight

Troi starts showing signs of a chill.

Then a dryness in the throat.

Troi starts to talk, but can't because her throat is dry.

As the virus penetrates the red blood cells the victim becomes dizzy and begins to experience a rash and itching.

Troi acts dizzy and begins to itch her arms and legs

From there the poison works its way into the central nervous system causing severe muscle spasms, followed by the inevitable drooling.

Troi starts to spasm and then begins drooling.

At this point, the entire digestive system is rendered useless, causing the complete collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence...

Troi begins farting

until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Troi is reduced to a quivering, wasted piece of jelly.

Data: As you can see, the nanites have become more active.

Dr. Stubbs: Maybe I could turn my Enid into a nanite. Old 'gal hasn't been active in years!

Data: As I was saying, they seem to no longer listen to our commands.

Dr. Stubbs: Now, that sounds like my Harrison. Is it too much to ask for to have a son who marries a pretty young lady instead of a life partner named Caleb who owns a boutique on Fire Island called "Everything Mesh."

Data: Doctor, if you don't mind, your outbursts are disrupting an important informational meeting.

Dr. Stubbs: Oh, I'm interrupting your meeting, am I Sport? Well, I'll leave you alone when you answer a simple question...What has two thumbs and doesn't give a crap? Paul Stubbs! How ya doin'?

Despite it's "highly evolved sensibilities and morales," the Federation's highest rated show in 2366 was Survivor. However, hundreds of years before, a new plot twist was added, instead of extinguishing your torch at tribal council, the loser now was phasered to death.

Scientist: Why won't my arms move?

Riker: You've been mostly-dead all day.
"When I reach for the edge of the universe, I do it knowing that along some paths of cosmic discovery, there are times when, at least for now, one must be content to love the questions themselves." --Neil deGrasse Tyson
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