Wow, this is quite a discussion based on snippets of dialog by various writers who we pretty much understand are more interested in moving the plot along of their particular episode or movie than creating or perpetuating canon of a fictional universe.
Hey, maybe Roddenberry was an anti-military flower child in spirit and dreamed of a utopian society without wars and aggression. However he created his universe complete with external forces that threatened the Federation and its personnel. This was dealt with by having Starfleet act as the military of the Federation.
By definition a military is the armed forces of a sovereign entity. Since Starfleet fights in its battles and defends its citizens they are a military. What a state or government does with its military is entirely up to that entity. How Switzerland organizes and utilizes its military can be entirely different than the Russian military's purpose.
Its too bad people here spend so much time arguing on what their perception of a military is and thus don't recognize they making many true, yet entirely pointless observations to the bottom line of the discussion. What Kirk, Picard, Sisko, Q, Adama, Barry Manilow or Snuffleupagus say about Starfleet doesn't change the fact that they fight for the Federation and thus are not paramilitary (akin to a police force) but military in nature.
Internal impressions of current militaries and any personal beliefs of what characteristics a military must posses to be called "militaristic" are as the Borg would say . . . . irrelevant