IMO It all comes down to the fact that according to some women cannot express love and feelings because if they do that they're considered "weak". On the other hand there is this very radicated patriarchal idea in the star trek fandom in particular that men being defined by their interpersonal relationships are good story telling and character development (maybe because it had always been like that) Only men are allowed to show feelings without being made weak by them.
For some maybe but my reservations with Uhura's expressions of feelings in STID come from how it was done, not the fact she had feelings.
Mostly I think that the moment of entry of their ship into Kronos' atmosphere, 3 minutes eta from Harrison, was a really inappropriate moment for her to front Spock about his apparent lack of care for her feelings. This was underlined by Kirk's "are we really doing this now" which elicited a generalised snicker from the audience when I saw it and IMO made Uhura look unprofessional and foolish.
Elsewhere in the movie she did really well, but that IMO unfortunate moment was what caught my attention the most on first viewing.
I have mixed feelings on the scene with uhura's emotional outburst .however I did find it realistic in the sense that that is the way we humans behave. we humans tend to lose control at the wrong place at the wrong time it is one of our most tragic flaws.
However I don't think uhura will have had an outbust if anyone's but kirk was there. kirk was her and spock's close friend so it was not like she let loose in front of a random co-woker.
Also remember spock throwing kirk out of the ship in the first film? that was way more un professional than uhura emotional outbust. I don't see people calling spock out on that.
Also when he was an acting captain, Spock attempting murder on the bridge by strangling kirk in front of his crew mates and his dad that was way unprofessional either.
Sure Kirk provoked him by saying he did not care for his mum but uhura is in the same position as well. spock provoked her by not caring of his life and her feelings.
Lastly, how about kirk eating an apple and treating the kobayashi maru test as a joke in front of his class mates and instructors...how un professional is that?
I don't mean to bring up race/sex, sadly it is a huge factor with uhura. its like her white male counterparts gets a free pass for behaving like the flawed humans we all are but she gets put down.
a lot of people said all uhura ever did was cry. however what is so weak about crying because your captain and friend died or crying because of your boyfriend's potential death.
Didn't Kirk cry when Captain Pike died?
Spock cried when kirk died and he also cried when his planet got blown up and he watched his mum die. the tears may not have fallen from his eyes but his eyes were still filled with tears. This was the reason why he got off the captain's chair and headed to the elevator.Spock was about to burst into tears.
Why is Spock and Kirk not called weak? oh yeah...they are men.
But like you said, uhura was great in other parts of the film. she did help spock a lot, even after she told him to get the bad guy. Carol is the other girl that has been crucified for just been a pretty face. lets all forget how she confronted and slapped her dad because of his evil plans (sarcarsm)