"They're just jealous" By Zephyr
Gene Roddenberry sat staring at his computer screen. This was his finest character yet. No one could help but be inspired by the qualities of this character—he was just so life-like, so believable. Absent-mindedly he noticed that he had new mail. He clicked on it and saw that a friend had sent him a link to the Mary Sue Litmus test to help fan fiction writers avoid creating Mary-Sues. Just for laughs, he thought, I’ll fill out the test for Wesley. See what they do to a canon character.
Question 1. Is the character named after you? (10pts)
Gene paused a minute and thought, well yes. Well, sort of, but that didn’t make Wesley a Mary Sue. The author of the test was obviously exaggerating, that had to be it. He scanned over a number of questions, relieved to find no more obvious ones. Okay, he did get a point or two for same gender and same ethnic group, but it would be a rather boring starship if there were no male Caucasians on it, so he was certain those two points didn’t count. Fairly pleased with Wesley’s performance, though a little riled at the initial question, Gene moved on to the next section, which was Personal Traits. Wesley breezed through this one. The only problem was “does everyone like the character?” With a sign Gene added one point to the growing total. And this section had been going ever so well.
He skipped over super-powers entirely, ignoring the potentially painful “does the character just seem to know things,” and went straight to the section on the character and the real world. Now this section was not going well; he couldn’t seem to seem to answer no to any of the questions. That was a whole seven extra points. He bit his knuckles and got up and paced around the room. He knew better—of course Wesley couldn’t be a Mary Sue. He would never have written such a despised type of character. After all he had envisaged Spock, he had written McCoy’s dialogue, he would never have written a Mary Sue!
Having managed to calm himself with a tea break, Gene sat down again to the final section: The fiendish plot. Well yes, he did introduce Wesley in the first scene, but someone had to. With a sigh he added another two points. Luckily a lot of the rest of the questions involved the TV series Gargoyles specifically, so he was saved from more embarrassment. Although the annoying question of “does the character save the day?” was worth three points. Sneakily, Gene thought: well he will save the day several times but I’ll only count it once. He is a brilliant engineer after all. He had nearly got through to the end without racking up any more points, till he got to the one about stories that revolved around the character. With a heavy sigh he added the two points and totalled his score up.
It was a twenty-four! He was shocked that his brilliant creation could score so high. Looking it over, he saw that Wesley was definitely in the Mary-Sue camp, even after those traits he had managed to excuse. He stared at the test for a moment or two, not really believing his eyes. Then he turned and looked at the window and mumbled “they’re just jealous”.