I think the most valid complaint about this script (which I think is quite good in many ways) is that the constant references by Kirk to "consensus" does go "clunk" for those used to Kirk's ability to make decisions and willingness to take the heat for them. Command style is one thing that should be no matter who writes the story.
Exactly! It made me wonder if Kirk was going to ask for a vote if he had to go to the bathroom!
The Transformed Man wrote:
The first two conference room scenes were completely consistent with TOS and how Kirk would sometimes bring in staff to discuss an issue. A simple rewrite eliminating the final conference room scene and incorporating some of the dialog into the sick bay scene following Apollo's sacrifice would have tightened the story and made it more in line with how TOS flowed storywise.
I disagree. The word "consensus" has no place in Kirk's vocabulary. It doesn't matter where the meetings took place, they used that word far too many times in this episode.
For example, in The Corbomite Maneuver, when the Enterprise is blocked by the giant space cube, we have this dialogue between Bailey and Kirk:
BAILEY: Sir, we going to just let it hold us here? We've got phaser weapons. I vote we blast it.
KIRK: I'll keep that in mind, Mister Bailey, when this becomes a democracy.
That's the Kirk that I know and I hope future episodes reflect that.