Re: Who is Spock's wife(or mate)?
We SAW T'Lar. In fact, it might even be argued that the officials who oversaw Spock's Kohlinar ritual in The Motion Picture were some sort of priests/priestesses. Until that movie, we hadn't seen any more of Vulcan than what was seen in Amok Time and Yesteryear. And not one frame of it included anything remotely resembling royalty.
I saw the Kohlinar masters as teachers. T'lar could be a teacher, scholar or physician. She was never addressed as a religious leader in the film. Anytime we're given new information about Vulcan it's a first. There is an entire litany of firsts for Vulcans. None of which we had ever seen or heard of, until we did. I don't see why this is different than Pon Farr, inner eyelids, mind melds or Kohlinar.
The boring one, the one with Khan, the one where Spock returns, the one with whales, the dumb one, the last one, the one with Kirk, the one with the Borg, the stupid one, the bad one, the new one, the other one with Khan.