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Old April 1 2013, 05:31 PM   #7
Count Zero
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Re: Anabar First Contact...

The second version is a great improvement over the first one. There are still some minor issues (mostly typos, doubled words, that sort of thing) but you managed to create a more vivid picture of this society and especially the characters of your story. This time around, Ya'Hale's supposed death resonated with me pretty strongly.

I hope you'll stick around the forum and for future challenges.
"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates." Mark Twain, Life on the Mississippi
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