Thanks for the log entry win.
Science Officer's personal log. Pursuant to the Captain's orders, when linked to the Iconian database, I downloaded the entire scientific, cultural, and historical database for the Iconian Empire. That took 3.561766 milliseconds, operating at my maximum throughput rate. Realising that I had sufficient time before reporting to the Captain, I then took it on myself to download the Iconian pornographic database. That took 18 minutes to download. It also installed several viruses, malware and trojans, severely compromising my operating system. The Captain is under the impression that it was a deliberate Iconian attack. I have chosen not to correct his assumption.
Captain's personal log. Counsellor Troi fell asleep yet again while I was sharing my innermost feelings about my childhood, and failing to live up to my father's expectations. Just why is it that I keep this poor excuse for an officer on this ship? Her counselling skills are minimal. Her Betazoid empathy boils down to stating the obvious. When it comes to piloting, she crashes more often than a ZX81. And her mother insists on visting... Oh yeah. The catsuits."
Guinan: "Wesley here is really smart, popular, has a great sense of humour. And speaking from personal experience. He's hung like a horse, and is great in bed..." to Wesley
"There you go kid, don't say I don't do you any favours."
Data: "When that gentleman comes out of his coma. I would be grateful if you would apologise on my behalf."
Cowboy: "For future reference son, in Blackjack, when someone says hit me, he doesn't mean that literally."
Riker: "The Royale?"
Data: "It appears that this entire fabrication in which we are trapped is based on this novel."
Riker: "My God! What a nightmare."
Worf: "Could have been worse, could have been Fifty Shades of Gray."
Worf: "What! It was K'Eylehr's favourite bedtime book."