Thread: arrrgh!!!!!!!!
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Old March 22 2013, 06:39 PM   #202
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Location: Brooklyn
Re: arrrgh!!!!!!!!

Wow, Smoothie, I'm really sorry. I know no words can ever be adequate, I just hope the remainder of your friend's life is as happy and free of suffering as is possible.

My argh moment today has to do with continuing medical tests. I had a nerve conduction test yesterday, which was by orders of magnitude the most horribly painful thing I've ever experienced. Worse than surgery, broken bones, nerve-impinging wisdom tooth roots, spine tattoos...just the worst. The test consisted first of about 15 minutes of mild electric shocks, which weren't bad at all. They were bizarre and uncomfortable, verging on painful, but it was interesting (especially being able to feel how the nerve branches and reaches so that a shock at one point in the calf would spread through to the toes). It was nothing I wouldn't do again for science...or a hundred bucks and a good bottle of wine.

The second half used needles. I don't have a problem with needles and I don't have a problem with the pain of being poked. I have four large tattoos, but more than that, I have type 1 diabetes, which means I've been poking my fingers and arms with needles at least 4 times a day, having lab blood drawn every three months, and giving myself insulin injections at least twice a day since I was twelve. The nerve conduction needles were like nothing I have ever experienced, though. I've had a lot of painful medical procedures done in the past and have been described by medical professionals doing painful tests as "stoic" on more than one occasion (actually, it's how I learned that word when I was a kid!). I completely lost it with this, though. The doctor got 2 needles in my right leg, which were very painful, but not something I couldn't handle, but the first one in my left leg was literally unbearable -- true, blinding, I can't think, just make it stop kind of pain.

It only lasted a few seconds (though it ached for a few hours afterwards), but I was so shaken that I couldn't go back to work afterwards. I walked home to try to cool off, and kept breaking into tears uncontrollably -- even 8 hours later, when I was trying to email my mother about the experience, I couldn't even compose the email without starting to cry. I've never reacted to pain like this before, even today, though I can talk about it without getting upset or crying, I feel worn out. I don't know why my left side was so hyper sensitive -- I was too overwhelmed to ask yesterday.

At least, in the words of the doctor (who was wonderful through all this, by the way) I "definitely do not have diabetic neuropathy."

Argh to fucking pain.

The Enterprise is my TARDIS.
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