we've established that not all menial work is automated and we've established that no one has any real imperative to do that menial work voluntarily so my underlying point is.....this is clearly a flaw in the...."money doesn't exist theory"
I don't think we have established that not all menial work is automated. We've seen people do what, peel potatoes, wash dishes? There are alternative explanations for that (again, given that we already have dishwashers in the here and now).
And you're not addressing the social pressures that may be in place. It's fine for you to say for the sake of argument that you personally wouldn't mind becoming what amounts to a pariah, but you can't plausibly universalise that.
and no matter how many times people tell me that we'd all be much nicer, more responsible and have a greater sense of civic duty in the future, sorry, i just don't accept that as a convincing explanation
(Shrug) it's canon. I don't accept some matter-antimatter reaction chamber whosis as a convincing explanation for the ability to accelerate past lightspeed, but I'm not about to spend effort convincing myself they don't actually do that in the show.