The possibly radical opinion I've formed on this (in a thread last year sometime) is that the reset performed by TWoK in reaction to the unsuccessful aspects of TMP was so complete that there was no refit. That is, the TWoK Enterprise is simply the old TV-series Enterprise as it would have looked in the 1960s had there been the budget for it. This, of course, fits with the vessel being sufficiently used-up to be judged a candidate for the scrap heap in TSFS.
In this framework, all efforts to position TMP chronologically before TWoK are futile. Kirk isn't back at a desk job in TWoK after captaining (admiraling?) the Enterprise in TMP; why would he be? He wouldn't - in fact it's the same desk job at more or less the same time point. (The only relation to any past event is given as "15 years after 'Space Seed'").
I've gotta say, I've (slowly) come to the same opinion. Obviously we as fans have to find a way to try and ret-con events between the two so that they fit together, but stylistically it appears that Nick Meyer more or less worked from the blue-print that he was overwriting
TMP, not trying to sequelize it.
Personally I'm not so sure there should be as big a gap as ten years from events between the two. But the complete change of uniforms is often seen as being a visual leap forward in time, and TMP was self-evidently only a couple of years after TOS. I think they'd have been much better to have acknowledged the passing of time better in TMP, instead of trying to pretend that practically no time at all had elapsed since the end of the original five year mission.