Update on the rant....VALIDATION! The heart monitor picked something up! Is it weird that I'm happy about this?
It looks okay, my cardiologist doesn't think it's dangerous. She's going to have me do another test next week. Not-Dangerous plus Not-All In My Head: two negatives definitely equal a positive in this case!
Symptoms seem to be strongly correlated to the activity of lady bits, so she and the gyno are going to test, test, test. Hopefully I can get back to myself soon.