My mum's been in a home for the last three years and has dementia, it's never easy. After my dad died social services actually wanted to let her live on in the bungalow on her own, despite it being obvious there was no way she could do this. Lucky reason prevailed. She isn't always happy there, but a lot of that is down to the dementia. We didn't really have an alternative. I live on my own and work full time, and if my sister had had her live with them she'd have had to give up work. It is a good home at least, though I guess you always worry what a place is like when you're not around.
I don't know the US systems v well, so I've no idea what support mechanisms are around, although social services were a pain to begin with, they were helpful with it, we just had a push a little.
Seriously sometimes I don't get what's so great about us living longer...
Good luck, if nothing else at least you can let off some steam on here, sometimes that's a bigger help than you imagine.