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Old February 14 2013, 07:58 PM   #84
Gary7
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Location: Near Manhattan иии in an alternate reality
Re: Do you believe there is someone for every person?

Ood Sigma wrote: View Post
^ I was just thinking about this. People change and so do relationships. I know that at one time I considered my wife to be my "soul mate" and I couldn't have imagined being happy with anyone else. However not only has our relationship changed in the last few years, but both of us have changed in terms of personality and interests. I no longer feel as close to her as I once did.

I have no idea how things will work out in the future, but I am sure I would never regret being with her or have ill feelings.
Everyone changes over time. The trick with a couple is for both people to change together "in sync". It doesn't mean you're doing everything in life together, but as you grow you find ways to keep an emotionally intimate connection but also continue forging your own identity. "You complete me" is doomed to failure. People need to have some freedom of independence in a relationship. Where I see relationships tending to fail is when one person is insecure enough to crave enmeshment above all else. "I don't want to live any minute of my life without you here with me." That's emotional smothering.

Mr Awe wrote: View Post
Gary7 wrote: View Post
He got to her ahead of me. I was so bitter with fate for quite a long time after that...
Hopefully instead of just being bitter with fate you actually learned something from this? You actually had the upper hand in this because you met her first! Strike while the kettle is hot!
Oh yeah, you can believe that. Carpe diem! I repeated similar scenarios of not striking when the kettle was hot and so at this point I'm much more aware of the fleeting nature of it all. A passive stance is doomed to fail.

It took me a very long while, but I eventually learned that relationships are like being an actor going for an audition. You can guarantee that you will get rejected most of the time but you need to not see it as being inadequate but simply not a match. I used to treat rejection as being the loser, which was a vicious circle towards lowering my self-esteem. The healthy mindset is recognizing that the other person doesn't even know you yet. Rejection is often over superficial things that you have no control over. And, you wouldn't want to be with that person anyway if they can't see beyond them.
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