Well, there are a number of moments in ST09 that I "forgive" as I chalk them up to the writer's strike. I strongly suspect that many of the points (though certainly not all) that rile some people up would have been far less bothersome if the schedule for filming did not overlap the strike the way it did. There were similar issues with a number of film and TV productions back in the late 80s (I believe Trek V was among them, but I'm not up on the details of that period in Hollywood and I'm too lazy to look them up right now).
I don't have trouble with Spock's reaction (his home planet was just destroyed and his mother died in front of him). IF I were inclined to nitpick, I might object to Kirk's actions, but my Star Trek nitpicking days are long gone.