You don't appear to be taking into account the frequent attempts by filmmakers to provide the audience with a cathartic experience. Even films that are overtly trying to "make a statement", like Unforgiven, provide a moment of cathartic release (in that particular case, through the very thing the movie spends most of its time criticizing). Trek had no such aspirations, so it's cathartic moment was of a piece with the events depicted. Whether you personally found it agreeable is up to you, of course, but the fact it occurred at all, especially given current social attitudes (something reflected in pop culture all the time), should not be surprising.
I accept you point but I am not protesting the use of a cathartic experience. Merely the poorly thought out circumstances, IMO, of the one employed in ST09. The black hole was giving Nero his comeuppance anyway and that was the result of Spock's actions.
I don't feel it is unreasonable to expect that the way the "heroes" defeat the villain should be, if not completely "honourable", then at least necessary (and the necessity in this case looks less likely of late). It is true that Prime Kirk has played hard ball in the past and I am not criticising that, when it was required.
These kind of problems don't just detract from, but actively oppose the traditional notion of Star Trek (TOS) optimism in my view. Its unfortunate because it doesn't seem like the small change I advocated would effect the movie's bottom line either. I can't see anyone missing Kirk's unfortunate "Me too" moment. Did anyone really miss Kirk not shooting Khan dead in person in TWOK? Later events over-took such potential regret anyway of course.