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Old February 12 2013, 09:54 PM   #18
J. Allen
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Re: Do you believe there is someone for every person?

auntiehill wrote: View Post
Lots of people could be potential mates for each other---however, people are often not willing to compromise; they expect perfection right off the bat and that simply doesn't happen.
Yeah, the idea that there is someone who fits perfectly isn't at all realistic, and even as a hopeless romantic I'm not deluded by the idea that someone who likes me is going to be exactly who I am looking for (preposition, sorry!).


Kestra wrote: View Post
It's a weird way to frame it. There are different things at work. Is there someone who will find you attractive? Is there someone out there who will find you compatible for a long term relationship? And implied in these is that you reciprocate. It doesn't do you any good if someone is attracted to you if you aren't attracted to them, for example.

In terms of relationships, my views are obviously changing now. I mean, I know I can find someone who wants to be with me in the short term. But can I find someone who I am compatible with who is also mature and would make a dedicated long term partner? That gets into personality traits that you need for long term relationships independent of personal compatibility issues.

With so many people in the world, yes, there is probably someone out there who would be into you (general you). But like you said, it doesn't do you any good if they are on the other side of the world. So instead, we do things to increase our chances of compatibility. You work on making yourself more attractive to a wide range of people instead of a select few. You learn to be flexible and compromise in a relationship because no one will ever complement you exactly.

You can't go looking for someone to make your life whole. I've been on the receiving end of that and it's way too much pressure. Learn to be a whole person and attach your life to another's because you want to, not because you need to.
Yes. This.
I think part of it is just a roll of the dice. I've known couples who met, fell in love, and two weeks later were married, and they've been married 20 years and are still happy. It can happen.

I think rolling with changes is probably the way to go. Things happen, people change, lives change, that doesn't necessarily mean things have to end for that couple. It likely comes down to perception.

Now, I'll admit that one of the reasons I use the term "make whole" is because I'm a very lonely person, and I do feel that having a companion is a giant hole in my life. I don't live to find someone to fill it, but my life is very noticeably empty without that companionship. Also, sex.

I'm a very social person, giddily gregarious even, and I love to connect with people. I'm the most emotionally flexible person I know, and while I'm not the smartest person in the room, or the most handsome, I can hold discussions on a broad range of topics, my interests are many and varied, and I have a high level of empathy.

In terms of perceived wants, I fit the bill for many people. Of course what is perceived and what is achieved are two entirely different brands of macaroni and cheese. I think it comes back to beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

teacake wrote: View Post
RoJoHen wrote: View Post
Unless you're some kind of psychopathic murderer rapist, there is someone out there for you. Sometimes they're hard to spot, and if you're not paying attention, they will probably pass you by.
Or you'll pass them by because you are a douche. Or so full of your ideals you don't see real people. Or welded to some beauty standard that dismisses 95% of everyone including yourself though you don't realize that.

Not you personally RoJo .. but really I think "how likable, flexible, able to allow another person into my life am I" is a question that many should ask. It's not about "where is MY SPESHUL PERSON?!" as much as "am I ready to be someone else's special person?"

And no reflection on the OP either, just the topic.
BAM! Right on the money, when it comes to how I see things. I consider myself absurdly flexible in some respects, and I wouldn't force someone to contort themselves to my idea of perfection. Personally, I don't believe in a literal perfection, though emotionally I may consider someone "perfect".
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