Anwar, as to that remark I disagree. Yes he was perhaps being intolerant. But most uniformed organizations have really strict regulations about jewellery, without distinctions between what's mere fashion and what can be deemed "cultural".
It's not like she'd be forbidden from wearing it when she's off-duty; and it sets up the final scene nicely where she accepts joining on condition
she be allowed to wear the earring, and Picard agrees to it.
As for the original question on this thread<
I think wiping Kurn's memory was in a way worse than killing him outright. O.k. so he's still alive, but he thinks he's someone else. Replacing a man's identity is like killing the very essence of him. I found it awful when he looked his brother straight in the face and didn't recognize him anymore. Also his wishes should have been ultimately respected.